Paranoid. It’s all falling apart

 Just as the title says. I dont know if I am just paranoid or crazy, but things with the hubby are falling apart. He is pissed at me because I hit him on the face. Ok he leaned over to give me a peck on the lips which I dont have a problem with. So at the last moment he decides to jam his tounge down my throut. I close my mouth and say no. I hate that crap. So he still continues to do it. So to get him off me I hit him in the face.

 

 

This is just only one thing. We are all the time argueing over everything. He tries to make me feel bad, like I dont love him when I want to go visit family instead of sittinng ina house closed off from the world with him. He has even said about my family that he dont want to be around them bercause he sees enough oh them. The constant fighting has started to affect the kids. The are much more cranky and seem to get upset more easier.

 

 

 

We fight most about money and him. He says its his money and he gets to do with it what he wants. He wants to spend the money he earns from his army pay to spend on his damn truck.  His other truck a 2002 ford ranger that he sold to his half brother for 100 bucks. I know he did it to help out his brother, since his other half brother hung him self a few  weeks ago. We were gonna sell it for 2,500 dollars. We really needed that money to save up for lil gary’s surgery later on.  w hat he did was good but we needed that money also. He doesnt pay the bills he just throws them on the floor and he says "forgets" to pay them. So if i dont check every day to see if bills come in they would not get paid. Like the cable bill that is two months over due. Which I had to take money out of the kids savings account, I had started to save money to pay for the surgery. So after he spends all the money and then pays the bills, he realises we are negative and then blames it all on me saying that I spent all the money on crap. Which does not happen. So in two weeks when he gets out we will survive on my gi bill payments untill he gets accepted to a diesel school if he can.

 

 

 Maybe im just paranoid with all that or maybe im just loosing my head. I think I maybe loosing it. I keep having these nightmares at night and during the day that the boys are going to be hurt. Also I found a condom wrapper under the couch cushin. And I dont ever remember us ever doing it on the couch. Which comes to the next thing. I just dont want to have sex with him. I dont know why. Maybe its because im crazy.

Things are crazy. I am obessed with loosing weight. I hardley eat now. which is a whole differnt story I talk about on that OD page I have just for that.

Life is poopey right now.