Code 11
So, I’ve probably mentioned more than once: Is there a book? A book of rules of dos and don’ts, what you can and can’t do? We all know there isn’t one.
It’s the same proverbial book that supposedly exists when it’s a regular relationship breakup, whether the relationship was intimate, sexual, or purely emotional.
From my now learned position, it is simply the same as a PSIO, no contact, except when necessary regarding matters such as children and their welfare, etc., but no social contact at all.
If one party does attempt to break these rules, you do not respond.
I must admit, it’s a real shock to the system. From 533 messages received and 621 sent in 16 days, there are now only essential comms for a day or two and then radio silence.
My last two attempts at trying to be social went unresponded:
- 17:46 on Thursday 18th
- 00:47 on Saturday 20th
Nothing still…
As much as this initially hurt, I have to admit that I did remove them from one of my social media platforms, and I’ve stopped using others, with the theory of out of sight, out of mind—one of the few good things that come from having ADHD.
For someone with ADHD, “out of sight, out of mind” is more than just a phrase—it’s a significant challenge. This term relates to their struggle with object permanence: the ability to remember things that aren’t currently visible. This can lead to frustrations in both personal and professional relationships, as forgotten tasks and responsibilities might seem like carelessness or neglect.
People with ADHD might forget to complete tasks like paying bills or taking medication simply because these aren’t in plain view. This isn’t intentional disregard but a part of how ADHD affects their memory and attention. Recognising these difficulties helps explain behaviours that might otherwise be misunderstood.
It’s been eight days since the friendship got the kibosh, and it’s been excruciating at times, but not for the reasons I initially thought.
Yes I felt an emotional connection with her; she was a safe place to turn to with some of my issues. I take that back—she is! I still trust her with what I have told her, and likewise, as the gentleman I believe myself to be, I will “breast to breast, that we will ever keep in our own breasts a brother’s secrets when communicated to us as such, murder and treason excepted.”
The last four days, watching my little girl hurt at times but also grow so much emotionally and mentally gave me perspective.
It also made me realise even after what I have just written and the semantic nonsense of it all (and now that I have reread this the following day, a little crazy stalkerish too), it was a little schoolboy crush, and other than the end result i am glad it happened, it has taught me so much about myself in the past week, so, so much and for that I am thankful. Thank you. I appreciate you.
Ultimately, I miss my friend. The daily stupid stuff, wise cracks about each other’s children, and knowing that you had a friend to rely on when in need—that loss is the ultimate loss. Plus, her little tribe is cool; they are great kids. (I’m a little annoyed with one of them, but he is still a good kid.)
I miss my friend; it’s as simple as that.
Not romantically, not intimately, just my silly, weird, batshit crazy friend.
I’ll hope we can return to being friends, I really do. In the interim (old codes, I know), as you have put me code 11, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, as a friend, if requested, I’ll be the first to respond to a Code 9.
By the way, I took your advice, I booked a ticket…
“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”
―
