Beyond the Silence

Beyond the Silence

Ten minutes shy of being 24 hours of silence, I received a message from her; my heart jumped so far out of my chest with excitement, fear, and anxiety. What was it going to say? What did I want it to say?

True to form, her message was kind and considerate, echoing the reason that sparked my initial infatuation. She reached out not just to talk but to care for someone else—my daughter. She had picked up on some teenage rumours that might hurt my princess and didn’t just give me a heads-up. She offered support: “Let me know if I can do anything tomorrow if she needs it.”

We messaged back and forth about the issue, and while I was relieved to be in touch, the usual playful banter was missing. Ending the conversation felt awkward, and all I managed was a curt “cya”—a move that felt off, and she called me out on it.

A line from what i thought would be her final message, 24 hours earlier, still haunts me: “I hope one day we can find our way back to a friendship with more clarity, but I can’t see that as an option right now.” That single sentence changed everything for me. Now, I’m lost. Should I call, text, or send funny social media snippets? What are the rules?

It’s eating me up so much. I’ll see something funny on social media or be sent something and instantly think that I have to send this to her, but I don’t send it or can’t. Or can I? FFS, I don’t know. Again, is there a rule book?

The king of irony, here I am, a 40-year-old man with over a decade (nearly two) of experience in firefighting and rescue, an experienced military officer, and a current serving member within the intelligence community, not including my volunteer Department of Justice roles. I have enough degrees to wallpaper a small apartment, including one in mental health, but I have no idea what to do in this situation.

It shows you can’t learn everything from a book; lived experience counts!

Yesterday was an emotional day in my home. My little island princess had her very first high school breakup; she was shattered. This was the heads-up I was given, and I’m grateful I got it. I worked from home to be at the school code 1 if required, and it turns out I was needed after all.

When the light of your life and the apple of your eye call in tears from a school bathroom, you better believe I was moving! I don’t think she had long hung up and got the phone into her pocket before I was in the car park and bringing her home.

The look on her face, the sadness in her eyes, the tears, and then, as soon as we walked into the house, the huge hug and the crying, something inside me ripped. And then there we were both lying there crying, crying together for a solid few hours, just hugs and crying.

Ironically, something she will never know, in some ways, we were both crying about similar things, sort of “same same but different.”

Finally, there came some anger: the replacement necklace she bought over the weekend with his initials on it, yanked off and thrown against a wall, bracelets, jewellery in general, and a few photos; I thought the brand new nails were next!!!

But I managed to coax a smile, even a laugh. Father’s job was done.

It’s time to let the ball and chain join in but for my little girl’s benefit. Send them out! Retail therapy has to help; it can’t hurt.

Just after school, home was invaded; teenage girls were everywhere. They all wanted to be here to support their girl!! It was beautiful.

After finally dropping them all home and trying to settle in for the night around 2200, I think it was time for a chill; the children went to their rooms, readying for bed.

I checked on my girl several times through the night so she knew I was there. I found her on her phone (normally not allowed at night). She was chatting away on one of the trillions of platforms, but she wasn’t crying. I’ll allow it, then. Boom! At 23:58, a message and a video.

The Valkyrie had reached out to my baby to support her, be her friend, and love her. I got the impression they had been speaking for hours. The video was a copy of their long chat, an FYI of sorts, so I, too, was on the level with it all.

How could anyone not fall a little in love with someone like that?

My deepest wish is for my daughter to find someone as sweet, caring, loving, and protective as the Valkyrie. She’ll be more than lucky if she can find a man or a woman even half as special.

And maybe, then maybe, I won’t need to keep the guns and shovel quite so handy. 😂😂

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
― Marcus Aurelius