STRESSED THE HECK OUT!!!

Ok so things have been… o.k. I guess except for the fact that Paul lost his job… NOT COOL!!! So I am the only one working right now and we have bills to pay. I’m thinking about paying more on my car so we won’t have to worry about that anymore and it will be an extra $300 in our pocket. We have till next March or April until it’s paid so I don’t know. I’m glad I was able to get more hours this month cause all she had me scheduled for was 2 days a week and one weekend so that sucked!

On top of that my interior lights in my car (where the speedometer is) is not coming on unless I ues the switch which I have never had to do and I took it in & they said that my car was designed that way. I called the place I got the car from and he told me how to reset it and that didn’t work so I don’t know what to do.

Paul is down about losing his job & I’m afraid he’s gonna start smoking again.    I hope that doesn’t happen and I’m afraid to ask him if he has sometimes. I just get the feeling sometimes that he has and am too afraid to ask. I don’t know hopefully this will all work out, I’m trying to stay positive about all this and it’s hard. I’m very irritable today and just need a frickin drink!!!

***EDIT: *I don’t freaking understand WHY he has to do this! So I have been having gut feelings about Paul smoking. When he goes somewhere with someone who smokes or used to and does occasionally I wonder. Like last week he went camping with Scott and he smokes and chews. I guess Paul asked him for a cigarette and he didn’t have one so Paul tried chew and hated it. I hate when Paul has weak moments and gives in, WHY can’t he be stronger? Why did he have to ask for one? Scott wasn’t doing it in the first place. I commend him for not doing it when his sister smokes around him or anyone else. I sort of understand today since he lost his job but for crying out loud do I have to worry everytime he walks out that fucking door? Should I? I may be irrational about this but I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t wanna go home tonight cause we will just argue. I’m proud that he’s come so far with it but when he has "weak moments" why can’t he just tell himself NO???? Ugh I feel sick**********