Family Stuff
So I think I mentioned before that my grandpa on my dad’s side is not doing very well. He has liver cancer which went to his lungs, then those collapsed. He is on oxygen right now and he had a stroke a couple of weeks ago. His cancer is spreading to his brain so he did kemo/radiation and finds out the results in a couple weeks.
I feel so awful… so my dad called me like a month or 2 ago and right off the bat said that if something were to happen to my grandpa he expects me to be there. Not "hi how are you" so I was upset by that. THEN last night my little brother called me. I have not talked to him in months and the first thing HE says to me is "Are you going to go see grandpa?" Not hi how are you, how’s the pregnancy. So that really upset me because I don’t think these people realize that I can’t just drop everything and leave. I’m in my LAST trimester of pregnancy. I don’t know if my doctor will let me travel that far. I don’t know if I wanna take a plane… kinda scared to now. Plus I don’t want to remember my grandpa that way. Last time I saw him he was fine & healthy & walking around and teaching karate. And I can’t afford to go see him and then turn around and go for a funeral. I have a family now, it’s harder for me to drop things and go. Then again I don’t think I am going to want to take a newborn baby on a plane to go to a funeral and Arizona is far for me to travel alone with a brand new baby… I don’t know what to do. Anyways so my family has been getting to me lately. I’m not close to my dad’s side of the family… more my mom’s so I have not yet cried with everything going on. I don’t know if it’s cause I’m not there so it hasn’t really sunken in… I feel like I’m being a bitch with how I feel about traveling & not being more upset by what is going on… and now I feel even more awful…
I called my Grandpa & Grandma today to find out how things were going and to just say hi and let them know I’m thinking about them. I got to talk to my grandpa for like 5 min cause that is all he could take of holding the phone and he told me that he is sending me a teddy bear for the baby… not just some teddy bear a very special one… it’s VERY old & in the family… his FARMORE…. (father’s mother in Swedish) has passed it down and he’s giving it to me. That really means a lot to me. He told me he knows we have not had the closest relationship but he loves me and he wants me to have it, and he wants me to know that they think about me.
Last night in bed I thought about sending him some flowers, and today after talking to him I went straight to the computer and ordered some and he should be getting them on Friday.
P.S.> We have the internet now!!!
I think your family may be trying to protect you from the “why didn’t I go see him before he passed”. You do have every right to do what you want with this situation, and I’m sure your grandpa understands why you can’t be there. Just keep calling him and letting him know that you love him. And if he’s still here after you have the baby, make the trip!! And there is nothing wrong with wanting to remember your grandpa the way you want to. I can’t tell you how much I wish I hadn’t seen my grandfather in the hospital on life support. It’s one of the most horrible feelings in the world watching someone who used to be so stong attached to all those machines.
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