11/02/2011

My day started off terrible this morning… I lost my glasses and couldn’t find them and since my couch sucks everything in and you hurt your hand digging INTO the couch I had to cut a hole in the bottom… I HATED doing that to it but maybe I could sew it??? Never sewed anything before and the material is different but it’s worth a shot… Those couches will go into our family room basement anyways someday when we get new couches.

I don’t know what it is but watching shows like “Say yes to the dress” and house renovation shows really get’s me inspired! I bought a dress cause we’re going to renew our vows in 2 and a half years J Still working out the kinks for it though like what exactly we want. There is so much I want to do in life and it all goes by too quickly. I really hope that we can save and stop wasting money to get the finer things in life like fixing up our house and getting things for it to make it really pop! I want people to walk in and think “Wow this is really nice!” I’ve gotten a few little things for it and I did end up organizing my office better and really opened it up J New appliances would be great and a friend of ours did make a point about waiting to get appliances until they start going but then do we really want to do that before it’s too late? I would like to re-do our cupboard’s in our kitchen just re-stain them would be good but I don’t want to do that until we get the new appliances. I have more organizing to do and I swear we just need to get rid of more things! I would also LOVE to travel…. Hawaii is the place I’ve been dreaming of going to but I’m worried a little that it won’t be what I expect and that I will be disappointed. I’m hoping we won’t owe on taxes so that we can also go to Colorado to see some friends of ours who came to visit when I had that party for my husband’s 30th birthday/ going away. I would love to go to both places next year but we will see what happens. New couches would be nice and entertainment stand, we’ve had everything for a little while now and it would be nice for an upgrade J There’s just so much I want to do and it sucks that it takes saving up and working our butts off to get there L But it’s rewarding at the same time to know that what we have we worked for! At least we can appreciate what we have and we are spoiled assholes who get things handed to us, people like that suck!!! I’m going to talk to my hubby about what we should do next as far as house stuff goes… Hawaii (vacation) is what we have been saving for right now and I plan on getting a better job once my daughter is in school more. I’m liking Pier 1 a lot more right now, they have cool unique stuff and I think I might go there for some decorating stuff and kitchen stuff J

 I get my hair done today, first time getting it highlighted at a salon. A friend of mine usually does it but she’s pretty busy so I just decided to go somewhere this time. I want to look good for my husband for when he comes home for his 2 week leave. SOOOOO excited for that, getting more and more anxious!!!

I miss my privacy that I have at home, I’ve been quiet the last couple of days and it’s hard to talk to my husband about stuff. My sister in law once again has been annoying the heck out of me! Since she’s working and making more money she get’s this “I’m better than you!” attitude and I HATE it!!! She talks about herself and how well she is doing and if you mention anything about what you have done (like I mentioned that I organized my office and showed her since I was going in there to show her what I got her daughter her Christmas) she said “Oh I didn’t remember what it looked like before.” I know she hasn’t been there in a while but it’s pretty noticeable cause it’s less cluttered! She’s very selfish and only cares about herself. On Halloween I had some issues with her and my mother in law and told my hubby about it and he feels bad cause he feels like I’m getting ganged up on sometimes. Basically my sister in law was in a rush to go from house to house and ended up leaving me and my friend Andrea behind. My friend has a daughter with spinal bifida so we couldn’t go so fast and she’s 3 years old. That child has been a miracle! Anyways they kind of left us behind and I got pissed about that and then our niece got mad (Carissa) cause Andrea brought a bracelet for Madison and her 2 kids and she didn’t get one and she threw a FIT!!! This kid is 7 years old give me a fucking break!!! I know I have talked about this before but with my sister in law and her child it seems like it’s a competition between us. With Carissa she wants better stuff than Madison and with Crystal she wants to feel like she is better than us and doing better than us. I am NOT about that but I was SO pissed from the FIT that Carissa threw that I am going ALL out this year for Christmas for Madison and getting her some good stuff J I started yesterday and I hope that she get’s jealous. Life is not fair and that little girl throws a fit when she doesn’t get her way. She did that when we were moving my mother-in-law and I was going to buy a keychain for Madison and I. My mother in law said “I will get you something from somewhere else” which means that little brat will eventually get her way and she can’t go about life like that! They ALWAYS do that and it’s SOOO annoying. She get’s things from the grandparents and then when the grandparents get something for Madison then Carissa get’s something too, they NEVER get anything for just Madison and it just annoys me. I wish we could move away from here sometimes. My

husband was saying that we looked happier when we lived in Texas and younger and that living here has aged us, I think he’s right I think being here is stressful and being away from family seems like a better idea right now… I guess maybe we could talk about stuff a little and see what happens but I’m guessing we will always live here. It’s not terrible just stressful! The other thing too is that she feels like people are rubbing how well they are doing in her face when in actuality people are just excited about things like us renewing our vows that decision had NOTHING to do with her. We didn’t just say “Let’s do this so that we can rub it in her face” but that it was about US and what we want and this is what we want… to do it in a church!!! The other thing that sucks and is unfair… haha is that she has been losing weight without working out and even trying!!! How does that work lol… I had to workout to get where I’m at (now I need to tighten) but she does nothing!! Don’t ya just hate people like that 😛   Actually though that’s good for her cause she was pretty big (mostly cause she was drinking and stopped which is the only good thing that has come out of this relationship with her fiance) but she used to call me fat and stuff when she was smaller than me and I am a pretty insecure person…. Sooo I just don’t want to get to that point again where she starts in on that again so in a way I hope she doesn’t lose anymore or at least doesn’t get smaller than me again cause I don’t need that added stress cause I already think bad of myself that I don’t think I’m pretty and I think that I could lose more weight and if I could I would have work done… I wish I was beautiful/gorgeous and I’m just ordinary… I hate that! My husband thinks that I under estimate myself… he’s sweet

And about my last entry about renewing our vows and the reaction from my mother in law about my sister in law being included and my sister in law’s reaction my friend Heather said I deserve this and that every girl dreams of having a wedding and that it should be up to us who we want in it. If I choose not to have her in it then shit will hit the fan and we know that so what do you do??? UGH FAMILY!!!
That’s all for now I guess I just needed to vent… another LONG entry and after only a few days
p.s. I have decided that living here close to family is what has been stressing me out and making me unhappy and for him it’s his job and not knowing what he wants to do… so what do we do with that? Move away and find out what job would make him happy…
Yesterday he was sick and all he wanted to do was see me… how sweet is that???