1/19/2021

Today is a new day…. I am going to try to forgive my mother but there has been so much damage done by my mother in the past…. Even though I am an adult how can I forgive her for the years of damage that she has done to me emotionally from the time that I was about 4 years old to now…. I have tried having a relationship with my mother but she just keeps pushing me away…. I am ready to just give up on my mother because of the damage and pain that she has caused me over the years…. Why do I keep trying to have a relationship with my mother???? Am I craving attention from my mother because she missed out on me growing up???? Is it wrong for me to crave my mother’s attention even though I am an adult???? I just called to talk to my mother and she handed the damn phone to my stepdad Dwayne…. What did I do wrong to my mother this time???? All I am trying to do is to have that mother-daughter relationship with my mother…. I am glad that I am surrounded by good friends, my kids, and my boyfriend because it seems like my mother, my sister Ashley, my mamal, and my mother’s sister Priscilla just doesn’t give a damn about me…. Every time I call to talk to my mother she just hands the phone to my stepdad and I am starting to get really tired of it…. As far as I am concerned the ONLY woman that like a mom to me was my mawmaw Barbara and when she passed away in 2010 I lost my mom because between her, my pawpaw Glen, my daddy, and my great grandparents Charlie and Deloris Duncan are the ones that raised me…. My mother doesn’t realize that she is on really thin ice with me because she is ignoring her oldest daughter, and her pushing me away is making me NOT want to have anything else to do with her…. My psychiatrist Dr. Faheem told me earlier today that I am blessed to have been raised by my mawmaw, my pawpaw, my daddy, and my great grandparents Charlie and Deloris Duncan…. My psychiatrist also said that my mother is the one who missed out of having that special bond with me because she chose a man over her first born child…. I am so sick of the way that my mother has treated me and the way that she has been treating me a lot here lately…. I am just going to take it with a grain of salt and go on with my life because I deserve to be treated better than what my mother has been treating me…. What mother in their right mind would abandon their first born child for another man???? <- My mother is the reason why I have vouched to be a much better mother to my 3 kids than she was ever to me…. Honestly I think that my daddy, my mawmaw, my pawpaw, and my great grandparents would be proud of me because I have definitely turned out better than my mother….