Too Damned Depressed to Make A Title

In case you haven’t already read the message from the Diary Master, the entries that were lost in the 9/11 hacking incident are gone forever.

 

I hate to say that I’m mourning the loss of simple text, but the fact is that I am. My writing is a reflection of my being and when it is destroyed it physically hurts. I am no longer in a state of shock over the loss of said entries. I should be used to it.

 

Numerous paper journals that I’ve kept have gone missing. I’ve got suspicions about what happened to each of them. It hurts to know they are in the hands of someone so malicious. Those are my private thoughts: my joys, my fears, my hopes, dreams and disappointments. Those were mine. Things that I could never tell another person were hidden in those pages. Now they are gone. Heartlessly taken by one who will never understand me, one who I am still trying to forgive.

 

Having my OD entries destroyed was just another way the universe was giving me the bird. Before the attack I had my entries backed up. Then, my home computer crashed. Now both my originals and my backups are gone. It frustrates me beyond belief. That is another reason I don’t want to write entries. It’s all too easy to steal away, but I know I’ll continue writing. I may have street smarts and more life experience than I’d like to realize, but I do my best to maintain a level of naiveté and vulnerability. For all my cynicism, I still want to believe in the good in people.

 

I’m so depressed.

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October 15, 2004

Maybe it’s time to do what so many others are. Move on to another site. Sorry about your entries, mine are gone, and they were really important to me as well. OD has truly failed everyone.

October 15, 2004
October 15, 2004

RYN: Thanks for the note. I hope everything works out for you!! The world has beem giving my the bird for some time, i’ve thought about giving it back to them, but always decided to be a better person and try to overcme things. I’m sure you’ll do the same!!!

October 15, 2004

Oh man, do I know about the whole cynical thing. But sometimes, I think life is too short to be bitter. Sometimes I’m wrong, but other times, it can be okay.

oh, (((many hugs!!))) i’m sorry you feel that way 🙁 i know what you mean – i’ve grown quite attached to my own diary and all the memories stored with in. i feel just as bad – like a part of me is gone… i’m not helping any, huh? 🙂 well, please, i hope you feel much better soon – i really dont want you crying over the weekend 🙂 take care 🙂 ((hug again))

I agree with the first noter. This second attack has made many people leave OD, which is kind of sad, but it’s worth it to know that our writings won’t be in constant danger. RYN: Ya know what, you’re right.

Hee hee, mancub isn’t his real name, just a term of endearment, ya know, like how Bageera calls Mowgli “mancub” in the Jungle Book?

October 15, 2004

It really is horrible. I have a brief entry about it and the Diary Master actually noted it! That shocked me.

True. It almost feels like a part of you has died once again, doesn’t it? For me it does. I often go back and think how immature I was, for I have always found a new reason the be and feel the way I am. I just recently started writing in OD again. So many memories, even for someone my age. I have one on paper, so now it’s a little difficult keeping them both up.Anyways, take care.

October 15, 2004

i hate that my writing is gone…but it’s oddly freeing. sort of a reminder to live in the present. but i’m still pissed. REALLY pissed. but…..i’m not my fukcing khakis; it really is going to be okay. tomorrow, the sun will rise.

October 15, 2004

Yeah…I feel dead inside.

October 15, 2004

Aww, Em, hang in there. I’m really upset that mine are gone forever too. There was a lot of good stuff that I had posted in there…..stuff about JG, and Brem and just feelings in general…..*sigh* I guess I’ll just have to start building again…. ~Sarah

October 16, 2004

well now THAT is a loss!

Yes…I feel your pain. I had so many wonderful thoughts developed in the entires that I lost…it makes me wonder, who could do this?

I know your mad about the entries getting deleted. And it does suck. Maybe from now on but them in our email. So then you’ll have them as long as you like. And someone took your Journals????? How, When, Where and Why??? I’m so confused. (which is normal) 🙂

I’m pretty mad about that, too. I’ve lost over two years and four hundred entries with this nonesense lately. So I’ve started obsessively keeping it all downloaded. :-/

Thank you. And that definitly does not make you a controlling witch. Dating someone who drinks on a regular basis is so difficult to cope with, ecspecially when you don’t drink yourself.

October 19, 2004

RYN: I know, right? My biggest fear is that someone is going to propose to me at a KFC while I choke on mashed potatoes.

I think I am somewhat fortunite that I didnt get hit too hard … I had them backed up. It is kinda funny to go back to read the stuff you wrote 2 years ago. But oh well .. I was a bad ass then and still am. Just want to cuddle still. Well I am off to the gym tonight .. and thats about it. Re the doctor I had an ultrasound last week. No im not pregnant that I know of. *hehe* I have to go have my

‘head examined’ next week. Just to make sure that my brain is working properly. I have an MRI in December so we shall see what is really in there, yes I know makes me wonder too. Dont worry about me .. I am tough, even if I am a softie when it comes to loving the mushy stuff. I know I love cuddling and massages and fun stuff like that and I should have been a woman .. *giggles* but its all good.

Be sure to keep writing as it makes us feel better to know what is going on in your important life as I think in some way or another most people here can relate.

October 21, 2004

RYN: You can be in band at my school no matter what grades you get, but my GPA is pretty much screwed. That’s y my parents want me to drop my honors classes, because they aren’t weighted at my school so there’s really no incentive to take them.

October 21, 2004

The attack was because of TEH TERRORISTES OMG!!!! Actually, I’ve no clue what caused it, but it is bullshit. I went through a lot of change in those months, and wrote a lot of stuff down that I can’t read back. Pisses me off… RYN: I don’t know if I have to pay for gas. I don’t know, the paperwork says something about mileage compensation, so I guess not…

October 21, 2004

Also, 4 am restraunts are the best part of living in a college town.

October 22, 2004

RYN: Thanks! Hey, have u heard te new Josh song from the Polar Express soundtrack? It’s gorgeous!

RYN .. No socks dont count as clothes as well if you live where I do it may be needed to keep warm. I think that a little ‘extra attention’ will keep you warm when you are sleeping in the nude. I prefer the oral variety as it tends to send you over the edge and all the orgasms make her toasty warm. In that case .. the socks may be too much clothing. So depends what u do when u sleep. *smiles*