Time to Change Lenses

At the urging of Goodnight Clark I’ve been wracking my brain for an entry topic. Because of the depression that is still clouding my head, along with my limited computer access, I’ve been lax about my writing. I truly enjoy the entries that others take the time to create, so I’ve felt rather selfish indulging in the creative expression of those on my favorites list without supplying a peek into my own world. Unfortunately, desire alone is not inspiration enough. Through what I’ll loftily call ‘due diligence’, I’ve found the spark I needed to make my fingers fly again.

That spark was found in Galadriel’s latest entry: “Why do I do what I do when I know what I know?” That, in my mind, is the question of the ages. I know that turning on the television will activate the magnetic field in my couch, thereby forcing my buns of steel to attach themselves to said couch until the television set is turned off. Yet, I turn it on anyway. I know that not having dinner ready before Boyfriend comes over will prompt him to suggest we order out, turning all my healthy intentions into mush. Again, I go against my better judgment and find any excuse possible to avoid making dinner. I know that making my religion the number one priority in my life leads to both temporal and eternal happiness. I’ve experienced life both through diligence in keeping the commandments and through living life as I feel like living it. After testing the waters, I can testify that there is a real and tangible difference. But again, I repeat my habit of taking the path of least resistance.

How is it that we can see the answer lying right in front of us only to turn around and go the other direction? They say hindsight is 20/20. I believe foresight is, too. But instead of dealing with what we see we put on beer goggles, only to stumble around like idiots. Even as I write this there are things in my life that I could drastically change for the better, but I dare not do it for fear of the pain that would come in the process.

I’ve attempted to read (though admit I still haven’t finished) Anthony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within. I’m not huge on his theories, but I did find it interesting to see the world through his eyes. I know I won’t articulate this properly so please forgive me in advance, but one of the things he stresses in the book is that our behavior comes from an instinct to avoid pain. Most of us think of something physical when we read the word pain, but Robbins applies a different definition. Basically, he is using pain to describe anything less than pleasurable. Getting yelled at could be painful. Writing a term paper could be painful. Simply being bored could be painful. We procrastinate because whatever action we’re avoiding is perceived as painful.

Making the life changes that I believe would be best are, in my mind, perceived as very painful. I suppose that is why I apply the proverbial beer goggles when I look at the situation. Does that make me proverbial alcoholic?