Prey No More

Though I don’t pursue it as diligently as I should, writing is a passion that has been with me since before I knew the alphabet. When my mother dragged me out shopping I was content in my stroller with a pad of paper and a pen, recording all the stories of my vast life experience. As she tried to put me to bed I would sit in my crib telling stories without stopping to realize I didn’t actually know how to talk. In the days of yesteryear, the fact that I didn’t know how to do something was no daunting obstacle. I simply walked around it.

Now that I’ve grown things are different. The painful memories of past failures increases my inhibitions. I’m wary of entering new territory. Even practices in which I’m well versed intimidate me because of the ‘what if’ factor. There are so many things I prevent myself from doing. I don’t seek out auditions because I feel I’m not thin enough. *I will never stop kicking myself for not trying out for the part that Kelly Osborne now has on life as we know it. I could have rocked that part!!* I don’t distribute Avon brochures for fear that I’ll offend someone. Most importantly, I don’t write the fictional stories and nonfiction articles that could potentially generate income. Part of me hasn’t pursued it because I’m not familiar with the process. I have taken neither journalism nor creative writing and I don’t feel my skills are up to par. Even if I had an article written and ready for publishing, I’ve no idea how to submit my work. There are ways to learn, of course. I’ve got a copy of Writer’s Market (outdated, though it may be) sitting in my closet at home. When I first received it, I read the articles piled in the front of that mountainous book like a crime-drama I simply couldn’t put down. Each article gave insight, inspiration, even instructions on how to get your material published. If I was as driven as I should be I could simply open the book and search out the steps necessary to submit my article for publishing. If I was willing to do a little more footwork, I could likely locate someone local who has experience in publishing that might be able to provide some pointers.

Sometimes, though, it is not the lack of knowledge that keeps us from pursuing our dreams. The fear of success can hinder our progress as much as any other obstacle. Let’s use the article I’d like to write about The Group as an example. What would they think of my portrait of them, should the article be published? I know from reading the notes left on my entries that I often times write a much darker entry than was originally intended. Will I portray The Group as I see them? Or will I show the world a bunch of whiny brats that take everything for granted? Would my article inspire others to learn more about The Group? or turn them off from the idea of The Group and The Leader as a whole? The thought of actually having this article published terrifies me, but it is something I need to work through. I believe in myself and my ability to pursue my dreams. Unfortunately, that belief is buried under a huge pile of fear and self-doubt.

No longer shall I allow my dreams to be squelched by invisible predators. As I type this, the first step towards creating my article on The Group is being printed. I will take the document home and study it. I will tear it apart and learn what other avenues of research need to be completed. I will make notes to myself and will likely start numerous drafts. I expect to have an update of my progress in a few weeks.

I feel good about this venture. Of course, today’s focused attitude may take a nose dive as the day rolls on, but I’m not concerned with that. At present, I’m most concerned with utilizing this surge in creative energy. I’m anxious to see this go from a daydream to a reality. We’ll see what happens.