OH MY CRAP

MY DIARY IS STILL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man, you have no idea how happy that makes me. I don’t know whether or not OD still has the same policy, but they used to delete inactive accounts and I’ve lost more than one diary due to inactivity. And then of course when I was posting regularly there were the infamous 9/11 server attacks that wiped out everything we had. So realizing it had been so long since my last post I knew the chances were great that my thoughts, hopes, dreams and rants would be wiped out. With this in mind I steered clear of OD. I didn’t want to see that error message that my screen name did not exist. I knew it would break my heart. It seemed it would have been better to just never log in and simply hope that entries were still here.

Unfortunately, that’s the way I’ve been living my life for the last several years. (pathetic that I only now – this instant – saw the parallel) I have been avoiding things that caused any sort of discomfort of conflict and it has led me to a place I don’t want to be. So now I’m actively changing my life. A few months ago I wrote out a list of things that I’d been avoiding, things that kept me up at night and made it literally *impossible* for me to truly relax. I felt like I was imprisoned by these ignored things and therefore I named my list My Own Prison. I’ve come to refer to each one of the bullet points as a prison bar and one by one I’m breaking out of my own prison. Because of my drastic change in attitude (and with a lot of hard work) I will be out of debt next month. Things are markedly better at work and I’m finding that once in a while I can read a few pages of a book without the nagging voice reminding me of the many other things that should be a priority.

And now OD. The website of which I’ve been a member the longest. I can’t think of a single website that I now utilize that was visited before I established my first OD identity. I use my LiveJournal frequently. More frequently, in fact, than I’ve ever used OD. But OpenDiary will always feel like home. I love the community here. And I’ve missed you guys!!!

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Wow… I wrote a heckuva lot more than I had intended. I apologize for the rambling nature. My brain is a wee bit fried at the moment. Hopefully I can gather my thoughts and write something a little more coherent for my next entry!