New Subject

Believe it or not, I am not going to pore over my relationship this entry. I’ll give you a moment to recover from your shock.

I found out this weekend that my ex (TexasShmuck) is now married and has a baby. *UGH* WTF?? $%^ ^&*&% (^&*%$( )(&%% !@^*) is all I have to say about that. I mean, I didn’t want to end up with him. I wish him and new family all the happiness in the world. What I’m pissed off about is that I wanted that! Yes, I know that I’m still young. At 21 I still have plenty of time to get married and start a family. But that has always been my biggest goal in life. Bigger than acting, writing, directing…anything! Like I’ve said before I want “wife and mother” on my tombstone, not “writer / director”.  Which is one thing that has been hard for me to deal with coming from Boyfriend. He says that he wants a family, but did he just say that when he wasn’t thinking clearly? I want that so much, but I wouldn’t handle it very well to get all excited over the idea that we actually see eye to eye on something, only to find out that isn’t what he really wanted. I want to be a mother and a wife more than anything. I never really wanted it with TexasShmuck, and I still don’t. But how on earth did he get it before I did?? I know that marriage isn’t a race you win. Getting pregnant isn’t a race, either. But, dammit, I have wanted it for so friggin long! I’m probably making little to no sense in this entry so I’ll just shut up. I needed to rant about that for a moment. I think I’ll go cheer myself up on the Josh Groban message boards. 😉