I’m not asking you agree

Today I was sucked into some sort of discussion about rape and sexual assault and survivor advocates and blah blah blah. I read a statistic that states 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. I believe that whole-heartedly. I wonder how many of us have been through it again and again? It’s an ugly experience and I don’t wish it upon anyone.
 
And yet.
 
I find myself increasingly annoyed with women who talk and talk about how they survived their attack and have moved on with their life and made something beautiful out of a horrible experience. Really? You’ve moved on? That’s why twenty hours of every week is dedicated to the very subject? That’s why you revisit that dark period by retelling your story over and over to other women, other "survivors"? Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that any of this is wrong by any means. We, as global citizens, should all help each other out as much as possible, which may include sharing painful parts of our past to help someone else understand their own struggles. That’s a beautiful thing. What I don’t understand is why people think it’s so courageous when someone talks about their experience with sexual assault. Shit happens. You have two choices: you can allow it to devour your soul and claim your life or you can move on. Frankly, I choose to move the fuck on.
 
And I am *well aware* that this is an extremely unpopular view, but why doesn’t anyone hold the victims responsible for their roles in the situation? I’m not saying that rape is ever right. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ALWAYS have the right to say no. What I’m saying is that so many women put themselves into stupid, dangerous situations and then act all shocked that they were taken advantage of. Last year I told the story of one of my encounters with sexual assault and I made damn sure to note that I created a situation in which I was extremely vulnerable. I essentially set up a booty call and then hoped he wouldn’t want sex. It was nothing but a big can of stupid. I acknowledge that.
 
I also acknowledge that not every rape situation is like that. Women are raped by their husbands or on dates that initially seemed perfectly respectable. They are raped by soldiers during times of war or by a burglar during a home invasion. There are a thousand different scenarios. I understand that sometimes the woman really is 100% the victim. But what about those other times? What about those girls who talk bigger than their willing to walk? The girls who grind their ass into some random dude at a club and then freak when he expects more by the time they get to the parking lot? I’ve heard just about every assault story you can imagine and my heart always hurts no matter what circumstances led to the attack. I just wish women would step back and realize their own stupidity. Maybe take just a smidgen of accountability for taking the wrong route to solving their daddy issues. Or is that really too radical a concept?