sourapple
May 1, 2005

End of an Era

     I understand now why people would compare their sleep to that of an infant. Crying all day is exhausting. You can’t help but sleep soundly.
     If you read the last entry then you are aware that Boyfriend is now exBoyfriend. The event didn’t come as much of a shock considering the last year has been little more than a feeble attempt at renewing a lost relationship. For all the pain that the past twelve months have encompassed, the break was relatively easy.
As we had planned earlier in the week, Boyfriend showed up at my house on Friday. He got out of school early (he was doing certification classes for his job) so by the time I got home he was taking a nap. I entertained myself with a video game until he got up. Once he finally arose we stood in the living room just hugging. I went to kiss him but he turned his head and gave me his cheek. Since he had just woken up I attributed this to morning breath. Wrong. The next twenty-four hours consisted of similar denials. He would hug me, he would cuddle with me, but he refused to kiss me. I was both hurt and confused by his actions. Friday and Saturday flip-flopped between affection and rejection. By Saturday evening I’d had it. I demanded to know why he wouldn’t kiss me. He was hesitant to answer, but, after making it clear that the conversation wasn’t going to end without some straight talk, he opened up. “I want to be your friend, but I don’t want to be your boyfriend,” he said with eyes pointed down. This hurt less than I thought it would. Although misty-eyed, I maintained composure. Suddenly I heard Mooskers, my temporary roommate, just outside the front door digging for her keys. I rushed to unlock the door for her and once it was opened all attempts at restraint were gone. I cried hysterically on her shoulder. She just stood there for a few minutes and let me get it out.
     After regaining control I returned to the bedroom and resumed my conversation with Boyfriend. I read him my Cry for Help entry and let him know that his actions of late had been deeply hurtful. After talking for a few more minutes I got up to invite a few girlfriends over so that I wouldn’t be sitting in an empty apartment once he left. When I saw that he had his provisions gathered I went to him and we embraced. We stood there just holding each other, neither wanting to let the other go. Holding him tightly, I reminded him that I love him. “I know you love me, too,” I said. “Even if you can’t say it.” I felt his head nodding furiously as he buried his head in my shoulder and softly cried. After embracing tightly for a few moments more we pulled back and kissed. It was perfect. Beyond perfect – it was movie perfect. I walked him out to the staircase where we hugged and kissed (and kissed and kissed) again. Finally, he turned to go…

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Goodnight Clark.
May 2, 2005
trout
May 2, 2005
PenguinsWalkAmoungUs
May 2, 2005

I’m glad it was amicable and that there is a chance for the two of you to possibly remain friends. *HUGS*

Garnys
May 2, 2005

***gentle hugs*** the song says it perfectly… breaking up is hard to do. but it’s also true that surrender is hardest while you’re doing it and easiest after it is done. even though you two will remain friends (and i have a feeling that your friendship will remain a very strong one) it might be a good idea to let yourself “grieve” this a little while **more gentle hugs if you’d like**

PenguinsWalkAmoungUs
May 2, 2005

RYN: Sorry to scare you in your time of desperation 😉 Huzzah!

PenguinsWalkAmoungUs
May 3, 2005

RYN: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW… We must form some sort of resistance movement. Otherwise, we’ll all end up like poor Tycho Brahe. So let it be known, so let it be written. Huzzah!

Goodnight Clark.
May 3, 2005

RYN: It’s not that Dan disagrees with me, it’s that he thinks that I should do something about it. And I refuse to sabotage my best friends life for something that is not my business.

I hope that you find the courage to keep going….I’m jealous- none of my break ups were like that. Take care

Goodnight Clark.
May 4, 2005

RYN: Men are stupid and blind. Thanks for all the support, though.

thrifty nickle
May 4, 2005

I’m really sorry…It will get better. Thanks for your note…I just posted some pics. 🙂 Have a good one! Josh

The Good Witch
May 4, 2005

RYN: So where are all your interests??? 🙂 Well, thanks for the note and you take care……

*8675309*
May 4, 2005

*HUGS*

worthless*tears
May 5, 2005

Aww, I’m sorry. *hugs*

Garnys
May 6, 2005

ryn: Yeah, I used to skate competitively. I “retired” at the end of February of this year. Of course, i also “retired” at the end of March last year. We’ll see how long this one lasts 😉 so, how are you holding up, kiddo?

worthless*tears
May 7, 2005

Thank you! I’ve decided I’m gonna stay home all day for my bday–something I never get to do, lol, I’m weird. And yeah, I call Katie “zebra girl” now…remembering what she looks like just puts a smile on my face.

Oftwoworlds
May 7, 2005

Thank you for the note. I glad to hear things are working out for you in the end

worthless*tears
May 10, 2005

ryn-I love that song, it’s so weird, but yet so very, very funny. Hope you’re having a good week!

RYN .. I can admit that I have thought about you in a rather wet dreamy way too. I have to admit that I don’t know what you look like. Though I have often wondered, it isn’t that important as you work fine in my mind. You always manage to leave me exhausted. *Winks* You tend to like doggie style and woman on top. The next time you are ‘very wet’ it’s cause I am licking you and making you squirm.

Re this enty .. I feel good things will come to you. *huggs to one of my fav princess’s*. Feel free to write if you like … kfisher@telusplanet.net

:0)

RYN: I was just thinking about that the other day. I don’t know of anywhere else that still has a drive in. that sucks though because they are awesome!! lol

The Good Witch
May 11, 2005

RYN: Yeah, it was fun and relaxing….and the jaccuzzi was the BEST part!!!! lol…..

Mommy To A Princess
May 11, 2005

Hi hun, I’m sorry about you and your boyfriend. I know how bad it can hurt, but I also know in time it does get easier. I hope it’s that way with you. RYN: I am going to update tonight….I found out today what the baby is?????? Have a good night!! Take Care and God Bless, Angela

random noter. sorry about your breakup. i know what it feels like to cry a lot and sleep soundly afterwards because i was thinking of my nan last night (she died a while ago) and i wrote a letter about all the things i could never tell anyone and that made me feel better. anyway take care xx

PenguinsWalkAmoungUs
May 12, 2005

RYN: Ah, but are you sure it’s the same cabana boy? The same hotel? I’m kind of a sneaky Penguin, after all…

Sorry about the boyfriend 🙁

AzWeThinkWeIz
May 17, 2005

Ciao bella!

Eminy, Help – not sure I have your phone number and I wanted to see if you wanted some work this weekend, with one of the OD people, who is running a booth in Pomona at the Scottish Games. (Yes, it pays money 🙂 Puhleese get this message and call me or email me at rabbitcg@aol.com. xxoo, fim, nsi

kayaking sounds good but i think i’d be too scared to try it lol

The Good Witch
June 2, 2005

RYN: thanks for your note….

Mommy To A Princess
June 2, 2005

RYN: Thank you very much I hope things are going better with you and that you are feeling better. You’re in my thoughts. Take Care and God Bless, Angela and Brianna

thanks for the note maybe I should try that Avon stuff my mom shops there every week lol i’ll get her to order some.

180
June 16, 2005

I decided we should both come back to OD. Yessum, I did. I need to talk to you soon but I don’t have your number anymore! So call or email me chick!

forever in motion
June 22, 2005

Ack, you are not writing? You need to be writing. You’re too good to not be writing. Write. Doesn’t have to be here. Just write. Thinking of you… xxoo,

The Good Witch
June 22, 2005

RYN: I know right….I soon as he does it I will scream and cry and then write every single detail in OD. lol…well, thanks for coming to my diary….sorry it took me so long but I didn’t forget ya!!! Take care!!

PenguinsWalkAmoungUs
June 22, 2005

Thinking of you… We miss you here.

..:Angel of Music:..
July 8, 2005

do you have a gallery of your tablet drawings?

wldflwr
July 27, 2005

while the breakup seemed very emotional for you, i’m glad you two were civil and disregarded your pride to still show how you care for one another. good luck in coping. thanks for your note and the gorgeous men on your diary. ryan gosling is a personal fave 😉

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