Dubai: Check!
I need to stop putting on lotion when I’m in Bahrain. It just makes me slimy. Ewww.
My time in Dubai has come and gone. It was fun seeing Mohammed, but over all the trip was… a mixed bag. What else can you expect when going on vacation with a man you’ve only met once? I have no idea whether or not I’ll ever hear from him again (I’m leaning toward not), but I’m fine with either scenario. I learned this trip that I’m terrible at relaxing. He’s a typical Arab in the sense that he can sit for hours at a cafe doing absolutely nothing. Oh.dear.heavens. That is not me. At all. I like to move. I like to go. I like to do. I am not a good sleeper. In fact, the first few nights there I didn’t sleep at all. Mohammed, on the other hand, takes to sleeping like it’s an Olympic sport. One afternoon he slept until 3! As an insomniac, that made my day hell.
There were other things, too. He was addicted to his cell phone. One day I woke up and he was working on his laptop in the living room and he said, "I must have been snoring last night. You were asleep in the guest room!" I informed him that no, I didn’t leave because he was snoring. (he snores like a freight train, but that doesn’t bother me in the least) Instead I left because he was playing with his phone all night. He kept waking up to answer messages, which would wake me up. Since we were both (seemingly) awake I’d try to get some snuggle action, but he’d just turn away and play with his phone. At one point he laid the phone down right in between us and it felt like a brick wall. I couldn’t handle the rejection so I left. After that conversation he actively tried to stop checking his phone every five seconds, so at least I give him props for that.
Then there were the constant references to beautiful women. I don’t want to see you checking out other chicks. I already feel like shit because I’ve gained weight. (about 10 pounds since he last saw me) Seeing you look at a super hot ladies just makes me want to disappear! Upon reflection I had to cut him a tiny bit of slack on this one, even though I didn’t want to. I realized that I kept pointing out beautiful women on TV so he probably thought it was okay for him to do it, too. I was basically being a big, fat hypocrite, but it didn’t feel that way because it’s not like I was pointing out sexy men, you know? But I still blame myself because I never communicated to him how it made me feel when he did that. He was good at curbing his behavior when I let him know that his phone habits bothered me. Given the opportunity he may have checked himself with this, too.
There was, however, one thing that I could not forgive. We were fooling around in bed and his phone rang. AND HE JUMPED UP TO ANSWER IT! I could have died. Seriously? Then he came back to bed to inform me that he had to go meet a friend. I wanted to die. Seriously? You’re leaving me like that?!?! He invited me to come along, but I was so aggro that I decided to stay at the hotel. I honestly thought he was going to meet some other chick and wondered what he would have done if I’d said that I wanted to go. I don’t know how long I waited for him to come home, but it felt like forever. I finally texted him that I was going to grab something to eat and asked whether or not I should wait for him. He told me to just come join him. It turned out he was with a couple of guys, one of whom I’d met earlier in the trip. They were cool and I was happy to have met them, but not so cool that I forgave him for jumping out of bed.
All in all there was a lot of rejection (whether real or perceived, it was certainly felt), but I still came home feeling like I had a mostly good time because he is an amazing snuggler. It turns out that’s what I needed most. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Standing next to the world’s tallest building while watching the world’s biggest dancing fountain at the world’s largest mall was pretty cool. And sexy time with a sexy man is always a high priority. But more important than sex is affection. That’s what I’ve missed most and that’s what is hardest for me to find. I’m not good at letting people touch me. I tense up at friendly hugs. Massages make me cringe. But if we have the right connection, then just holding my hand can send me to the moon. And we had that chemistry. I loved how it felt to be watching TV while wrapped up with him like a pretzel. I lived for our morning routine of him smoking a cigarette and checking email while I laid with my head in his lap, taking in his touch as he stroked my back. I melted at the way he would wrap himself around me in bed like I was his own personal body pillow.
Affection. That’s what I’ve needed so badly. That’s what made me fulfilled. That’s what made the rejection worth it.
We are very different people. I don’t think we would work out too well in the long run. But overall, I’m happy I made the trip. I needed his touch and I’m grateful to have received it. I’m also grateful that now I have a chance to move on.
I can’t wait to see what my next adventure will be.
I am happy you received the affection you needed. I honestly, don’t care for cuddling but sometimes I crave it. I love having a man’s arms around me.
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You sure are an adventurer. I am glad you received what you needed. 🙂
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I very glad you went, and I’m glad you’re seeing the positive despite the less than positive aspects. You are a very cool lady. 🙂
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the touching thing described me almost to a T. i’m glad you got the affection you were craving. i’m also glad you had a good trip! what kind of job do you have that lets you take off so much time out of curiosity?
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Ooh the phone thing makes me angry! But in bed?? Oh dear. At least you enjoyed yourself and had the positive to outweigh the negative. Hooray
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Oooh…wrapped like a pretzel…I like that 🙂
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Wow! That’s a long trip! I miss that affection too. I miss having a guy love me. But I guess I’ve never really been loved. So I’m not sure if you can miss something you’ve never had the chance to experience. Hmmm….sounds like a new piece is going to be written soon! RYN: I love the writing class. It pushes me to write something new each week! I hope you have a great week! *HUGS*
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RYN: Forgot to add this! My puppy is a year! She was a year in Sept. But she’ll always be my puppy! She’s so cute and will stay little! She’s a mini doxen (I spell ir wrong) but has a long body! 🙂 I wuv her lots!!!!! She’s asleep behind me in her blankets! I LOVE blankets so I made sure she did too! 🙂 And she does! hehe
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Aside from those couple of things it sounds great! Glad you had a good time. 🙂
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Perceived rejection is worse than actual rejection – I hate that you felt that way at all for either scenario. Awesome that you got positive attention <3 I can’t wait for your next adventure either!! 😀
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RYN: I may post it after my friend gets her’s. 🙂 I don’t want to post it and then she’ll see it. I’m not inviting my friend (she lives in NY) but I want to send her a card that I’m making! 🙂 But I’ll def. post it for ya! 🙂 At some point! hahaha Have a great Monday! 🙂
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ryn, I know right?! It’s amazing. What *will* they think of next? (just a side note, I feel the need to point out that this is just the first time I have actually owned one myself in the time since I moved away from home about 10 years ago, not the first time I’ve, you know, lived in a house with one in it… 😀 Just in case that wasn’t clear from my entry :D)
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ryn: I have a sportline one…it’s just one of the $70 ones from walmart. I’m not sure what kind my trainers is..that I use..I like mine better than his. lol
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ryn: i agree. It sucks and I already did it once and was willing to do it a 2nd time because the outcome is the best in the world. woman are so strong – how do we do it?
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Thanks. Got your message.
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He was good at curbing his behavior when I let him know that his phone habits bothered me. Oh good. I was mentally thinking, “Did you communicate this?”
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RYN: Yes, it sucks BIG TIME. But I went to my Chiro today and it’s so much better. He said getting my neck back to where it should be will help too. Amazing how all this works! We had roast for dinner and I never once bit it! YAY!!!!
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RYN: Thank you! Thank you for really ready my entry too! I have this song that I downloaded and boy does it put me in an odd mood. Almost a regretful one. I emailed my ex fiance’ and told him all the things I missed about him. Weird, but it helps me write because my feelings just shoot to the top of my heart. I just write and like that line, I write it when read it and go, “Will they get that?” 🙂
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ryn: That’s annoying. It shows up when I look at the entry!! Silly OD. I’ll try pasting it again to see if it does something differently.
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RYN: Oops, thanks for noticing! :p
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I have nearly 1000 entries now. I don’t think you want to go back and read them all, but here’s your password: penpal I’ve been bad about writing, even though I have your address in my desk drawer taunting me every time I open it. Read it all, read none, read selectively. And ask me anything you wish. 🙂
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And I missed the address part of that one note … lol Keirsten Erickson 379 Lake Street Apt G9 Sault Ste. Marie, ON P6B 3K9
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Dealbreakers, all. We each get to decide what is worth it, though. I hope it is. That’s a long way to go for affection, son. r: I would walk with you, anytime.
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ryn, hehe I can only imagine 🙂 I guess it creates jobs when you have people around doing those things for you. Although probably no one would deign to do those types of jobs here 😛 Meh. Here you weigh the produce on a scale in the produce section and print out a sticker from the scale to stick on the bag – you know, just in case you ever end up in Finland on your travels 😀
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Thanks for the note. My parents are living in Dubai at the moment, so I’ve been a few times. It’s definitely a cool place. We were at the fountains the night they opened, it was amazing! I think if someone did those things to me, I’d feel rejected too! Xx
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ryn: “knows what she wants and knows how to set boundaries. ” You say that to a woman who downed nearly a whole bottle of scotch before taking her first dose of medication. Which, as predicted, has led to me throwing up so much for the past 3.5 hours that my nose won’t stop bleeding. The only reason I requested no advice is because everyone’s an expert and it pisses me off. Not so much of a winner. 😉
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ryn, no worries, I laughed at myself when I read the first part of your note 🙂 The book has actually been quite helpful for me in the past! It’s The Procrastinator’s Handbook – Mastering the Art of Doing It Now by Rita Emmitt. Although I just feel all cynical when I listen to it. It’s so cheesy as self help books tend to be.
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RYN: Thank you! 🙂 It’s nice that someone can understand! On the way to work with my mom today, I realized a lot of things and it makes me rather sad. Have a great weekend! 🙂 *HUGS*
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Oh and when ya gonna write again girl!? 🙂
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Thanks so much for your lovely notes! This entry is fascinating and I’m looking forward to reading more =)
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Ryn, heh, yeah, it’ll get old for me in about February when it’s just starting to really come down, and I’m already all set for summer.
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I’m glad you felt like the trip as good overall. I hate it when people play that much attention to their phones!
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Ryn: Sure, I will be your guide round KSA any day 🙂
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RYN: Six more months and I’m done with group! YAY!!!!!!!! Will I have learned anything from it? I HAVE NO IDEA. So far, not really! My wall is pretty thick to this stuff! I’m 36 yrs trained into this life and it’s gonna take A LOT to break down that wall!
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ryn, yes, well, I was aware of the irony 😉 but I also did go to bed when I came home from work. Sometimes excuses are actual reasons… Although not very often 😀 Mostly not.
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ryn: i hope so! i’ve got to figure out how to do the pattern ideas i have though!
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ryn – are you going to post the goals on your diary? I’d like to see the list! 🙂
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ryn, this is tangential to what you wrote, but I just find it so fascinating when we are aware of gaps in our language. That there is something the language fails to express. At least that puts to bed the idea that our thoughts are solely governed by our language. I love how freely English can loan words to fill the gaps 🙂 Only I can’t think of a word for what you mean in any language I know.
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i’ve never been outside of the US.. i’m kinda jealous! ryn- agreed! i thought i had slayed the laundry monster, but alas, it reared its head once more!
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re: Thank you very much for saying so. 🙂 I can fully relate to the feeling of needing affection sometimes. Though I’m sorry that you felt rejected. That feeling is brutal, especially when you’re needing affection.
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ryn, that makes me glad because hey, I’m not alone, and sad, because it’s a confusing place to be, and it’d be awesome if we could just have it all figured out already. Or… that’s what I figured from your not saying anything, heh 🙂
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I can’t stand it when people are stuck on their phones 24/7. If you’re with someone you need to be WITH someone. Not body there head somewhere else. 🙁 RYN: Thank you. 🙂
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RYN: I didn’t even know there was such a thing as evangelical agnostics:O I’m just learning what I can about all there is…and if one day I wake up and say, “You know, I think those Christians have it right!” then I guess I’ll go that way :p I don’t try to take anyone from their faith, I just try and explain where I am..which rarely goes over well here.Usually instantly told I’m going to Hell lol
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What a very nice adventure!!
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RYN: I know, new pieces are so clean and pure, like kittens. I’ve read over your last couple of entries. that’s awesome that you’re in Bahrain! my dad used to live over there (he lives in Qatar now), and I spent two summers there in high school. it’s wonderful there. 🙂
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I think people forget the simple magic of holding hands and awesome cuddles. ryn:Thanks for the note, i got that profile picture through the wee me website back in the days when windows live messenger was still msn.
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RYN: Why thank you very much! And this entry of yours has me going back and reading some more. 🙂 –
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ryn: Thanks for liking my art work. ^_^ I usually draw in whatever style is on the tv lol. Daria just happened to be on. 😀
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I stumbled upon your diary via Meemaw’s. I’m from Bahrain but live in California. It’s so strange to read that you’re there, it’s very rare for me to meet anyone here who’s ever even heard of the place! I haven’t visited since ’09 but my parents still live there. I’m hoping I’ll get to visit them this Thanksgiving. I was waiting for things to calm down and it looks pretty stable now. Very excited!
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RYN: Aw, that’s to bad! It was definitely an amazing show 🙂
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ryn: Yes. One of my favorite movies!
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