Dreaming and Divorce

Im not entirely sure how to describe how I feel right now. I got a call from Boyfriend on Monday that really elevated my mood. I have made mention of the fact that Boyfriend has been married beforebut have I mentioned that he has never been divorced? ::ducks to avoid the stones being cast at her:: In the two years that we have been together I have seen little effort on his part to get the divorce final. For as long as Ive known him, Boyfriend and ExWife have only been legally separated. That has been an issue for quite some time, mainly because I struggle with convincing myself that he is devoted to me and not her. They have such a long history together. It would take me 8 more years just to break even! I know, I knowrelationships are not a competition, but it is driving me crazy that she has a longer history with him than I do. I am shooting for quality herebut a little quantity couldnt hurt!

Anyway, Boyfriend called me and said he filed the divorce papers. Woohoo!!!!! I was ecstatic. He did a lot of other productive things on Monday, but this one meant the most to me. I could not get closer to him without this happening. I just wanted to jump for joy. He was pretty stressed out when he talked to me because he had spent the day doing things he does NOT enjoy, and he had a lot more crappola to take care of. Plus, there are things going on at work so he was a little freaked out about missing time (he took all of Monday off). I didnt get to see him on Monday and the only conversations we had were extremely brief and tense, even though he was delivering good news.

Then yesterday I neither saw nor spoke to him. That REALLY sucked. I left a voicemail on his cell last night at about 9:30…no response. I left another message at about 6:30 this morning. About an hour and a half later he decided to call me back. I suppose I should be understanding about the fact that work is really stressing him out. I mean, sometimes I want him to be there for me, but just dont have the energy to be there for him and maybe that is what he is going through? I just cant shake this melancholy feeling.

I woke up this morning not sure whether to cry or punch someone. I dreamt that Shawn was leaving for a couple days and I found out that he was going with ExWife. I cant remember all the details, but I woke up just after Id confronted Boyfriend about going away with her. Ive spent most of the most being upset over it and Im still trying to rid the feeling. It isnt his fault I had that dream, but I still seem to be holding him accountable.

I have actually had several nightmares lately. I dont know how everyone else dreams, but I dream in full color. It looks like a movie. I dont even have to be involved in a scene when I dream because what I see is what you would see on a TV screen. In the last nightmare (not counting last night, of course) there were a couple guys trying to kill me. I remember running through a futuristic-ghetto airport (did that make sense??) trying to escape my attackers. I had woken up a couple times but each time I went back to sleep it went straight back to that dream.

All this talk about dreams is making me tired. I need a nap!

Camdengirl

June 9, 2004

read my entry on matthew’s big mistake “cillas hat” – please join me in condemning stupid marriages!!! xx

I have dreams like that too. Very colorful lively dreams that i usually think are real. unfortunately i dont get dreams very often- as i think i said, i had one like a week ago but not for months before that. Mine are usually strange, as in seem normal but then suddenly in the end go sci-fi, and then i know it is a dream. and when i realize that i can manipulate my dream to happen the way i want.

…quite strange huh? I’ve often wondered if others have dreams like that, where you know its a dream. oh well, take care!

RYN: pilates is awesome. It really tones your stomach and legs and Curves is great because you only see maybe one or two women who are super skinny and the rest of them are real sizes.

Thanks a bunch for the note you left! I added you to my favorites! :o)

AzWeThinkWeIz

Sometimes dreams mean something, but sometimes they don’t. See how the next couple of days play out, don’t let it stress you all the time. Sometimes people get too caught up in what is happening moment by moment that they forget to see the overall picture. Hope this helps. =)

I have had dreams about people, and then inside held them acountable for it. It isn’t the right thing to do, so we just gotta keep that inside 😉 If you want a picture of me, give me an email address, because I am not so sure I want to just post my pics on this diary site….. be well

RYN: Thanks for the note. I used to delete nasty notes, but now I think that if someone wants to show how shallow and ignorant they are, then who am I to stop them … well, that’s how I TRY to look at it anyway

forever in motion

June 10, 2004

I obviously have a lot to catch up on here, but it would definitely make sense that, if going througha divorce, he would need….. (ugh, hate this word,) space. I do think the dream means exactly what it sounds like it means. Papers filed or not, you are not convinced she is out of his life. I hate those “chase” dreams, have them myself. Nightmares. xxoo,

RYN: Tehe! I really must learn to be more assertive too! (only joking!)

Mommy To A Princess

Hi Sweetie, I am glad that boyfriend finally filed the divorce papers. Some people just don’t think about finishing it off until someone new comes into the picture and they have a reason to. I don’t think bad of you at all, cause he’s still married. As long as he is legally seperated you are fine, but now is the time for him to take the next step and I’m happy he is. I hope all is going well with

you. Thanks again for all your support when I was so depressed. It was so greatly appreciated. p.s. Do you want me to send Viny an email with your email address? I just read your notes on there…heh…If so, leave me a private note and I will send your email address to him. Have a wonderful day! Take Care and God Bless, Angela

PenguinsWalkAmoungUs

Congratulations on the move forward 🙂 Weird as it sounds, I don’t dream in full colour. I only dream in shades of black, grey, and brown. My dreams are all these weird, earthy, ancient kind of things. Very weird… RYN: Glad that you are misty-eyed and awed by San Jamar.

RYN: It’s a done deal, hun. I just emailed him :). Have a good day!!! Take Care and God Bless, Angela

RYN: Thank you for the support! *Hug* Congratulations on him filing the papers! I’m sorry for all the rest that you’re going through. But everything will be alright! Odd you mention dreams – in the class I’m auditing we spent the past class on Freud’s “On Dreams.” Because it re-occurred, Freud might say it’s important, but it sounds like an anxiety dream — you’re just stressed…

… about their relationship, thus it was “milling around” in your preconscious and then you dreamt about it. So stress less (yeah, I know, it doesn’t happen, but it’s what people always say so… 🙂 and everything will turn out just fine! 🙂

joshlt

June 12, 2004

your dream has him cheatin on u! thats not nice tell your dream to shush!