happy but sick

so, i’m happy all the time, unless that unavoidable grouchiness, frustration (i got really frustrated yesterday putting laundry away b/c i couldn’t find a spare hanger), or emotion kicks in.  i have a lot of gas pains and problems related to that area, which makes it hard to sleep. it amazes me that i have to pee even more than i did before! with an overactive bladder, i didn’t think it would change that much, but it has, especially at night and especially b/c i’m not on my medication. and i will suddenly feel very, very tired (i had to go to bed earlier than d last night!) i feel nauseous a lot but i haven’t had pregnancy sickness.  i do have some food aversion and i crave sandwiches–subs, wraps, clubhouses, which isn’t bad. at least that’s healthy, right?  i also crave chips though.  it’s weird b/c i’ve never been that big on chips. i usually crave them maybe once a month.  i’m much bigger on chocolate. of course, i still won’t turn down an Aero Caramel chocolate bar (or most others, for that matter).  the thought of pizza the other day made me think EW! i love pizza! but it was the first thing that made me feel really sick after i got pregnant (and didn’t know i was yet). and i understand who the food commercials on t.v. are for–pregnant women!! i see a food commercial, i want that food! 

here’s some of our email conversation from friday. i thought what d was sweet. i’m starting you in the midst of it but you’ll get the just of it:

d: of course…now I don’t wanna wait

me: You don’t want to wait for what?

d: well first we had to wait to get you pregnant now we have to wait for the baby to come…..way too much waiting….

last night scared me, though.  i had to…spend some time in the bathroom (this is 1 in the morning after d came to bed from watching a movie–he rubbed my belly and my back for a bit and then i had to go downstairs)…and i was downstairs for half an hour or probably longer and d just fell asleep.  i would have woken up and called to him to see if he was okay! what if something happens later in my pregnancy and he sleeps through it?  (by the way, i wasn’t in the bathroom for half an hour; i decided to lay down on the couch for a while to make sure i didn’t have to go back in before going back to bed.)

but…i wake up if i sense something is wrong in the house. and i’m generally (not lately) a deep sleeper just like d is.  it worries me that he has no instincts that way.  he never has. i know that. that’s the way he was raised.  ppl in his family don’t have the kind of relationships that most ppl do.  especially with his parents.  his mother is very selfish.  i think she puts herself way too far before her family.  there’s taking care of yourself and there’s absolute selfishness and neglect of other ppl’s needs.  she did the usual mom stuff, like taking care of them when they were little, of course.  i think the other problem is that men are used to always having someone else take care of them. they don’t get out of the mindset that their wives are not their moms.  they think they just have to make money, like their dads, and we’ll take care of everything else.  i see it all the time.  men are much lazier than women!  i could clean the entire house in the time d has only managed to cut the grass or something.  it’s ridiculous.  and he thinks he’s done lots.  men. 

d is a good man, don’t get me wrong.  i just hate how men think they’ve done so much when a woman would have done 3 times as much in the time it took them to do one thing.  we can multi-task AND we don’t have to stop for a beer!  but i love him.  he is a good husband in all other respects. i can’t complain as much as a lot of other women could.

anyway, that wasn’t even my topic.  what i am going to end with here is that we’re happy.  i’m happy.  i can’t wait for baby.  it is strange to have this…being…inside me, but it makes me happy thinking s/he is in there.  i laugh and smile a lot more…when i’m not busy being ill. 

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