The Telling of Dreams

I woke from a dream this morning.  At first I thought it was a strange dream but as I pondered it, it made more sense.  It was a dream that wove itself together with mini vignettes.

I was a twin but didn’t know it.  I wasn’t an identical twin, but a fraternal.  We looked similar but not exactly alike.  I found out by hearing someone make a comment about my sister; I scurried around, busy busy busy, to do the work of finding her.  I had this feeling of anxiety around me.  Yes I was fully clothed 😉  After I found her,  I watched her from a distance.  She seemed to know about me.  We never spoke.  I wondered why no one had ever told me that I had a twin.

I found out I was suppose to be in a play.  I learned from someone’s offhand remark and that the play was to start soon.  I scurried around, busy busy busy, in order to find out what the play was about, what part I had, and when I needed to have my part ready.  I felt this slight anxiety as I scurried around.  Again, I was fully clothed *sheesh*  But I woke up wondering why no one told me I was in a play and that I needed to have this part down.

There were a few more vignettes like this.  The interweaving theme was that I had these things and no one told me.  It would be so much easier if someone told me things, but I had to figure them out for myself.

My new job isn’t always easy.  I make mistakes.  The most difficult part is that I come up against something that I seemed to have needed to know but no one has told me about it.  I don’t blame those who are helping me work into this position; they are on such automatic in their jobs they forget I am clueless much of the time.  So I am sometimes stuck in the headlights and have to reinvent this part of the wheel.  I ask questions and those questions are accurately answered.  The problem is I do not know what questions to ask, for the answers are not getting me where I need to get.

I have a problem with a part time faculty member who a student reported is smoking dope between class sessions.  I have another faculty member–fulltime–about whom a student reported smelled like alcohol on two occasions.  Both cases need investigation.  The second was a simple thing because I could figure out to whom I needed to talk.  The first is a much different problem as it is only with students that I can talk.  I can’t reinvent this wheel because if the allegations are true, this guy is fired and maybe have to get the campus police involved.  He will file a grievance with the union no matter what I do.

I have a fulltime faculty member on probation that many students do not like.  Well, many of the other faculties don’t much like either.  But then he comes up with a stellar class and everyone loves him.  I haven’t figured out his pattern yet.  I need to have a talk with him about this and how he might work his goals for the coming year to address this problem.  It will be a tough conversation.

I walked into a meeting with the other deans unprepared for this meeting because I didn’t ask the right questions.  I missed two different meetings for committees I was placed on because no one included me on the meeting schedule email.  I didn’t go to a conference that every other dean attended…in my very own building…because I wasn’t aware of the politics of attending.  I mean, I had no desire to go but it seemed I should have gone.

My dream made sense.  Many times I wonder why no one told me I needed to be somewhere, doing something, being someone.  And they would have if I had known I needed to ask. 

I am not complaining here.  I really do enjoy what I am doing.  I love working with the people in my division, making decisions, solving problems, being able to say, "Make it so."  But I can see from my dream that I am concerned about some parts.  It does make sense.

peace~~

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