Sophe Smash

I’m stupidly grr for no reason. That’s so unfair to anyone and everyone that has to deal with me. I’m in a general state of "rawr" with flare ups of hulking out. Like I was trying to sort some papers that were on the kitchen table and the air kept blowing them around. Instead of picking them up and moving them like a sane person I ran upstairs and slammed the air off.

Before that was this fight with my computer that I don’t even want to talk about lest I throw it across the damn room.

I’m just struggling to feel NORMAL. I don’t know what that is lately. I’m going to try meditating in a minute and see if that helps.

I’ve started turning to exercise to try to cut back on the medicating. I could seriously have a nerve pill every day it’s been that bad. But I don’t want to be one of those people that has to have it or they can’t function. Last night when I started getting worked up I took the dogs for a run/walk. It didn’t help as much as I would’ve liked. Tonight I tried some planks and arm exercises (with a jar of applesauce since I don’t have weights). I just feel tired, not destressed.

My appointment with the therapist is Thursday. I filled out all the preliminary paperwork today. I felt really ridiculous answering some of those questions. You’ve got like 3 lines to sum up something as complicated as the relationship with my mother or father. I’ve had practice condensing lately but damn. I’m sure she just wants a brief insight.

Also, the two week wait started on Monday. Either Monday or Sunday since I’m not 100% which day I ovulated this weekend, I’m counting from Monday just because it pushes me out a day further and I need that. It’s such a weird, emotional thing.

More family drama, as usual. I still don’t want to share it. I will tell you that my 19 year old cousin was arrested for armed bank robbery.

Here, have a gander:

http://www.wcyb.com/news/Police-arrest-two-bank-robbery-suspects/-/14590844/15394942/-/cdxqw3z/-/index.html

In searching for that article, I came across the online version of my grandfather’s obituary. I’m listed as Shawna (Zack) M*******. I’m sure it meant to say: Shawna and Zachary. I sound like I’m transgendered the way they did it. Oh well. That’s something for the gossip train.

Bleh.

Off to find some stillness.

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It’s very common for obituaries to list the spouses in parenthesis. That’s typically how it’s done. As for the family drama – that really sucks and I feel you. Two of my uncles on my maternal side have been arrested multiple time for drug charges, one spending several years in federal prison for trafficking heroine across the US. Not to mention the rest of the lowlifes on that side of the family.

It’s so embarrassing. And of course, they think they’re so superior and better than everyone, when they’re actually the trashiest people around. It’s disgusting. /end rant Fingers crossed for your 2WW. 🙂

Damn it. *parentheses

DAMN IT. *heroin I’ve had like, 2 hours sleep. BUH.

It’s awkward when they actually read it aloud that way. You’d think they’d be smart enough to say it correctly during that moment. Thank you, and I wish you didn’t have to deal with all the drama BS, either. Hug.