On Passing

Today was awful.

My grandmother died Sunday morning. I flew out the next day to come home for her funeral. The funeral itself was alright as funerals go. Afterward we went to the nursing home where my cancer ridden, dementia plagued grandfather was told for a second time that his wife of 60+ years just died.

The worst was seeing my dad break down. I feel like I need to write about it but not from my phone which is all I have till Thursday night.

I just keep seeing their faces: Papaw’s when Dad told him and Dad’s right before he had to force the words out. He grimaced and shook his head then leaned over and hugged Pap as he told him. “Mom’s in heaven.”

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This is our first month trying to get pregnant. I can start testing on Sunday. I’ve never wanted so much for it to be now. I know that isn’t realistic. It’s a lot to hope for. But it feels so much easier to hope for a new life instead grieving for the one I just lost.