Blah*Edit

I just want to cry. Mamaw was better and stable. Now all of a sudden she’s talking out of her head and her respirations are weird. O2 stats are good so Mom is lost as to what’s going on with her. Unless she stablizes we’ll be canceling Mom’s visit. Rescheduling it rather for when the baby’s due. She was coming out then anyway though. It’s selfish but I honestly really need her to come now. I don’t think I realized how much till she talked about canceling this morning. I don’t know how to explain the need. Maybe it’s just that I wish there was just one member of my family that was going to get to enjoy this pregnancy with me. One person to shop and help and just be here. And truly I just miss my mother. I need a break from work, I think, too. I know this I’d rambly. It’s a runon paragraph because I don’t want to do line breaks. Maybe it’s just hormones. Regardless, I think I’d feel a lot better if I just cry it out for an hour or so.

***And now her vitals are tanking. Mom called Hospice and they’re sending a nurse out. I don’t even know how to feel. Most of what’s going through my head right now is incredibly selfish.