Ages

I don’t have any good reasons for not writing. I don’t even think about writing much anymore. Maybe school is just burning me out on the whole concept. I wonder if I should even carry on since I’m not feeling it but I am compelled to update since it’s been so long.

Things appear to be going really well with the pregnancy. We’ve had two more ultrasounds since that first one and I’ll have another on Tuesday. One of them was because I had a problem when we were in Tennessee. Started cramping badly and then bleeding. It was scary. Went to a friend’s doctor and checked things out. All was well. Then there was the regularly scheduled one the week we came back. Tuesday’s will be for that study that I signed up for. They’re studying new mom’s to look for indicators that delivery will be complicated. I get paid for it plus I get 3 extra ultrasounds. Who wouldn’t want to do that?

I’ll be 13 weeks on Tuesday. I know it’s early but we’ve already started accumulating misc. baby things. A friend from work has given me most of what we need. She had her third last year and is done with babies. The rest we’re planning on buying up little by little to keep the expenses from feeling so taxing. My symptoms have pretty much disappeared which I’m trying not to freak out about. I know that’s normal for now but while puking sucked it was reassuring.

Speaking of that, I was sick the whole time we were in Tennessee. I don’t know if it was the trip or the area or what but I couldn’t keep anything down that whole week. It lead to a two pound loss. I imagine I’ve more than made up for that since the nausea subsided though.

I don’t know. It’s exciting and yet I feel myself tempering my reactions sometimes. Miscarriage is such a terrible thing, not just because of the thing itself but because of how it robs you of your innocence about something that should be joyful and unadulterated. I’m hoping Tuesday’s ultrasound helps. I know the chances of something going wrong after week 12 are significantly less but it’s always still there in the back of my mind. I’m incredibly fortunate in that I’ll get to see the baby a lot more frequently than most. I’m hoping that will help calm my nerves.