Kicked in the Teeth

There’s nothing like airing your dirty laundry via facebook messaging.  And getting it when you get to work.  Makes for a great night.  I am not a fan of facebook, but I maintain a page just for the heck of it.  And I have reconnected with a few folks that have crossed my mind in the last 30 plus years.  Anyhow, I resisted the idea and should have listented to my inner self.

So tonight I log on after getting to work and getting settled in for a cold night.  Early on I took care of the things that needed my attention and decided to browse the fb page.  I noticed that I had a message and went to it to see who it was from.  Well lo and behold it was a rather long paragragh written by my niece Chelsea.  She said that her and the other siblings are tired of me not giving their dad money when he needed it and that it was their desire to have all rights to the farm and the right to learn how to manage on their own.  She stated that I am never there to do the work and her dad is not the person to ask for help.  That I am never there when I say I will be and they are disappointed.

Well that cut like a knife and shook me to the bone.  After having a few emotional meltdowns and feeling hurt, I responded to her message by saying that I was sorry that I made her feel that way and it was never my intention to take the farm from any of them.  Yes I have been known to tell them that we would do some things, but I have worked excessive long hours lately and have much on my plate.  I told her that I would speak to her dad and by all means give them the things that they want.

The sad thing is, they don’t realize all the money and financial support I have poured out over the past 15 years.  Things they know nothing about and out of love for my brother they never needed to know.  Right now I am trying to get my name on the deed because when we refinanced it 10 years ago, I had to cosign the damn loan so that dad could even keep the farm.  I gave her parents the down payment on the house that they are living in right now.  I have given her father money numerous times without telling any one.  And for the kids to feel that way, well all it serves to do is take a great deal of burden off of me if I just turn it over.  She doesn’t know that her father does not want the check book because his wife would write checks for things that are not ever related to the farm.  She is the reason they are financially in the hole right now.  And when Chelsea got into trouble they had to pay a huge amount of money for her drug counseling and reimbursement for her involvement in theft. 

But no I am the one standing in the way of them running the farm.  Well Bullshit.  I F*&king done with the whole bunch of them.  I will give the checkbook to my brother and let him deal with them.  I am hurt very deeply.

On top of that, I have to be in my attorneys office at 1 today for the deposition of the person responsible for the fall that I took two pluse years ago.  I am also going to see an officer who retired from the police department and lost his wife just the past December to cancer.  I was on vacation when she died and was not able to go to the services.  So this will also be an emotional day.  An on friday I have a arbitration hearing on an employee who was fired back in September.  SO this should be a great week.  Plus working Midnights.  Oh yeah, what a great week it will be.

The week has been a weather nightmare in Ohio, but not as bad as elsewhere in the country.  So I am glad that we are one day closer to spring.  I can’t wait until summer.  Bring on the sunshine and blue skys.  Hope everyone has a good day and sorry for dumping this here, but in the middle of the night you can’t just pick up the phone and vent.  Probably wouldn’t share it anyhow cause that is just the way it is.  God bless to y’all.