Fathers Day 2012

Been a pretty quiet day around the homestead today.  Have been kind of down the last few days when I think about my dad, and his mnot being here.  I do miss him everyday but I thnk sometimes it takes a while to settle in and cope with the loss.  It will be three years this October and somedays is seems forever, and others seem like it was just yesterday.  I picked up a small silk arrangement and went out to the cemetary yesterday morning to drop it off.  No one else had put anything out, but I am not surprised.

The other night I took my mom out for dinner and she wanted to go and get some cemetary decorations to take around to all the graves.  My Granny’s birthday was the 14th Flag Day, and she wanted to go to her grave site.  So we picked up some things and headed out.  It was good to make the rounds and attend to the graves as we should..

I don’t know if it’s me, or the fact that I am just to sensitive when people say things that I can never forget.  I have a really hard time anymore, when I am angry just speaking my mind, as I remember the times that things have been said and anger and can’t be taken back.  I wish I could just let them roll off, but as of late, it just isn’t happening.  I don’t want to say anything that I can not take back, or may regret having said one day.  Some people don’t think about how words over time can impact what happens in the future.  Mom and I were at the grave of my Grandparents the other night when out of the blue she tells me that when she and my father were getting a divorce back 37 years ago, that because my grandfather died shortly after hearing of the divorce, she told my dad that "he killed" grandpa.  Now I know that the words were spoken in anger, but my father never ever said a bad word about my mom when we were going thru this, and 37 years later my mom is still angry and won’t let things go.  I just couldn’t believe that after all this time, she would even metion this to me. 

I guess I keep it all bottled up when I am angry and think to much to myself to let anything like that come out of mouth no matter how mad I am about something.  This has been eating away at me for days and I am trying to let it go.  He was still my dad, and I know that he did things behind her back, but it didn’t change my love for him.  She was not perfect either and I have chosen to forgive her for her past ways and try to be the daugher that I should be.  But this one makes me struggle.

Well, I ‘ve put it in words and now willl try and put it behind me. Might take a little while.

Hopefully everyone had a good weekend.  I have been off and spent Friday and Satruday night at two amazing outdoor concerts with some wonderful friends.  Love the hot weather and outdoor shows that just take your thought and cares away.  Been a while since I have done anything like that and I really did enjoy it. My thoughts go out today to all those whose fathers were not able to be home with their own families today because of their service to others.  God bless our military men and women past present and future.  We could not be free to enjoy life as we do, if it weren’t for them.