8/2/06

Well Hello Open Diary,
Long time and no communications. I need to write now. I’m having issues. Depressions issues. Again. Or still, however you wish to phrase it. This time it’s because of a boy. well actually it’s a mixture of three boys. I’ll explain. One boy is my ex-boyfriend who I spoke to monday night. He kept telling me how he missed me and liked hearing my voice and wanted to see me. I was pretty much like, great, just what I need. Then the next day I spoke to another boy, named Pat, who I liked when I was like 12. Well, he feels the need to ask me if I still like him. Mind you I’m 18 now. Then we’re talking and I told him I’ve always liked him in a way because basically I hadn’t thought about him inforever like as liking him . Then I asked him if he ever liked me and he said yes. Which just adds another oh great to my list. Then I was thinking forever about him, and boy one, and the other boy who I haven’t gotten to yet. Then the next day Pat 1 asked me if I was thinking about him, and I practically was like gah because i’m thinking about everyone but only liking one and it’s causing me to get into this odd state of depression i get into sometimes.

Then there is boy #3. This one is also named Pat. So for the sake of making this a little less confusing, he’ll be Pat 2. Well I meet Pat 2 at work about over a month ago. I liked him immediately. He’s into art which I find really cool and I’d love to see some of his art. He’s funny and cute. Sweet and shy. Adorable. and Older. He’s shy beyond belief. See, when I normally meet a guy I like, I’m just like eh you’re cool, then I never see him again. Well I got sick of that happening so I wrote him a note. I know a note right. Well I wrote him a note, telling him he seemed cool and I’d love to hang out sometime with him. Well, I went to texas and left the note at my neighbors to give to him. I got back home on the 17th late at night, early the 18th I’m at my neighbors and he arrives to do some deliveries for work. Well, he comes over and tells me the note was sweet and thanked me for it. 
PS. i’m gonna write pretty much everything so this may be boring to some!  
well, then it was time for deliveries and we said our byes. We had a few more encounter like that. One time I was talking to my neighbor, who is also his boss, about him and she suggested we go to his other job and order food so I can talk to him. So we do it. He was working in the back, and she being the brave one asked if he could come out. Well, he did but he was busy as ever. while working he waved at me 2-3 times, it was sweet, I must admit. Unfortunately, he was busy the whole time we were there, but he gave my neighors the pizza and i sneaked some quick words into him, asking when he has a day off, he replied never with a laugh and I said come on you have to have some morning off or something and he said maybe on wednesday or thursday and i asked if he wanted to go see a movie. this is an exciting part. He got this adorable smile on his face and asked what movie and i told him whatever one he picked than he was like well, maybe we’ll see. He’s big on saying "we’ll see"
Then I saw him one day while working. We chatted for a little, said he was quiting his other job soon and was stoked about having time to party haha. And i said to him ya know what that means  (in reference to quitting job) you’ll have free time and he knew what I meant after a minute and was like yeah some.  i saw him some other time too can’t remember when. Then I saw him today, we chatted, I smiled, we chatted, I smiled. He has a skate board and was hung over. he’s having his adorable hair shaved off. it’s brown and very cute. that made me sad.  I want to learn more about him so badly. I like him soo much and I don’t want to let him pass me by. He’s just so shy, it’s killing me! i want to cry and I want to scream and I want to call him and just tell him he drives me cray with just his smile. and he looks so good in brown and he make anything look amazing. and he makes me smile.

and now i’m crying.