5/11/07

don’t worry anyone. I’m still alive.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written last. I’ll fill in th details.

Let’s see. The last entry I was home on winter break. I went back to school on January 17th, my dog, Shadow, who was also my best friend, passed away on January 31st. Needless to say I went home to see her before she passed. Then February, my friend became an ordained pastor, my other friend turned 18, I was probably sick of Envi Science by then and my roommate and I were still having issues. March. March was calm as far as I can remember, papers and novels here and there, lab reports and such. Worked alot. I like to work especially when Satin Sound is here because they make the job much funner. April. April 4th my Uncle passed away from cancer. another emergy trip home for the viewings and the funeral. then right back to school. I wasn’t close with him, but it was hard on me because his pastor mentioned that my uncles cancer may be attributed to Agent Orange used during Vietnam war, which he served in. My father also served in Vietnam war. needless to say, I was uneasy.   That sunday was easter. and a year ago on April 10th my grandpa passed. Two family members within one year is never easy.  April continued. My dog Abby went into the vets for a normal check up and seemed fine, the vet put her on some meds so she wasn’t so creaky. A few days later she became sick. X-rays were done. a tumor. just like my first girl, Shadow. Abby passed on the 26th. I lost two of my best friends within four months. I still miss them like no other.

May. Begining of May started with the end of classes, a tornado warning that was completely scary and finals. and now I’m at school working graduation. then I head back home to my house of one dog and complete changes. I feel so out of place there half of the time.

I doubt my ability to do well at this school. It’s hard and I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself hard enough. I may work too much, an average of 8 hours a week isn’t bad, but I also pick up any extra shows or concerts I can work. I also procrastinate and spend much of my time aimlessly searching the internet, checking if someone poked me on facebook or comment me on myspace. I just can’t concentrate. And my ES class seemed so confusing and frustrated me so much and it shouldn’t have. I think I should have been able to do it well, but it just fustrated me and made me doubt even being an ES major and college in general.  Maybe I’m over my head with everything.

I have so many dreams and ambitions, but who knows what will happen to them

Oh and of course, there is the never ending story of me being caught up liking guys. there’s jon (shortie) and jon (college) and mark (smiley) and of course the one my parents love, Z. Z’s much older, Shortie seems to be too busy working to notice girls, Jon college is hard to figure out and Mark smiley is just about the same.

Who know’s I’ll probably become the 50 yr old woman with 10 dogs instead of cats.

GAH