08/23/2009

i really don’t know what’s going on any more. everything i try at i fail. i’ve been burned over and over in like just one month. what’s it take to find a decent person out there? any type of decent person. all that’s left are married liars it seems. what’s it take to find someone who is mildly attractive and who doesn’t lie? where are they hiding? The next guy who comes along and is married i’m going to smack up the side of the head. and why do guys think its okay to assume i’ll be down with friends with benefits. I’m not. i’m too emotional for that. I can’t screw someone and just walk away. they’re still going to be in my memory. forgive me for being emotional. and why can’t guys understand that just because they like me, it doesn’t mean i have to like them. and they get mad when i try to tell them im not into them like that. I’m sorry but your not my piece of heaven on earth, now go the fuck away. don’t hit me when I don’t give you what you want or stop talking for any dumb fucking reason. always give a reason, have enough balls to do that atleast. don’t send dumb fucking messages about what you want to do to me when you’re 14 yrs older than me and 7 hours away from, oh and are a father. fuck off dude. I’m not into you. You’ll know if i’m into you and maybe someday, hopefully fucking soon because i’m about to give up, someone will realize i’m into them and not be a douche, or married, or just want fwb, and want something real. it’s pathetic for me that the only real relationship i had was only kept together because i didn’t want him to kill himself. that’s fucking pathetic. my two best friends have spent like a yr with their bf’s, i’m like the epitimay of failure with men.

Am i looking in the wrong places? I’ve tried like every damn web site, i’ve tried ball games and hockey games, gone to bars, i’m in college for god sakes and still nothing. no boy at my college has ever expressed interest in me and i’m a senior. am i that fucking ugly or what. i want a fucking real relationship where you actually do shit together, none of this bullshit sex based relationships

i’m sick of having my feelings stomped all over.

one day you say you love me then next you’re no where to be found.

one day you say i’m the best, the next i get a text

one day you say i’m so beautiful, the next you tell me about your wife

one day you tell me you want a relationship with me, the next you tell me you’re considering getting back with your ex

well honestly fuck all of you. i’m sick of crying over men no where to be found or boys who send texts, i’m sick of being angry at men who hide their wives, or reject my emotions. fuck all of you.

now i just wish i could move on from you mr. texter, mr.love, you seemed too good to be real,  and i guess you were. Mr.wife, i liked you but you’re so out of line, mr.ex, get off your cloud and realize you have something good right infront of you.

i try so hard to improve their lives and in return they leave mine in shambles.

well i’m fucking sorry but i’m sick of all of the bastards out there. i wish there was one fucking decent dude who cared about emotions and shit. like is my perfect guy a failure? a smart man, with some looks and is independent, kind and loyal, and trustworthy. where are you? please don’t tell me all of these men are gone now.

i guess until i find him, i get stuck with the mr.ex’s, mr.wives, mr.text, mr.loves, and all of the other jackasses i’ve encounter. I just want to love you and it seems you just want to hurt me. a match made in hell?