08/15/2010

life is life. and i hate it. i’m done with school. i’ve graduated and i haven’t had any damn luck finding a job. It’s depressing the shit out of me. sitting at my computer 8,9,10 hours a day doing nothing. I’m bored of being bored. I’m also bored of being alone. I haven’t hung out with anyone in quite a while. I got dinner with a friend for my birthday, we went out on the 7th. that’s the last time i’ve seen a friend. and that was for an hour.

I had been speaking to this great guy for three months. pretty much every night we’d talk on the phone, sometimes for hours or other times 15 minutes before he went to sleep. but that’s ended. just outta the blue it all ended. now i’m even more alone. he was nice and smart and i liked him and now he’s gone. i have basically no one to speak to and it’s driving me insane.

I have nothing going for me anymore. the more days that pass, the better a noose looks. I have nothing to look forward to. No school. no dates. not even a nightly phone call. I am pathetic and it’s really pissing me off. I feel like using the rest of my money to just buy booze and drink myself to death. It would give me something to do. Half a gallon screwdrivers. sounds like a tasty plan. i don’t need my liver anyway.

i never feel like waking up. it only means i have to live through another depressing day. i’m running out of the will to keep going. i have to figure out who i would say good bye to before i go. i just don’t know.