To Whom It May Concern

Haven’t done one of these in awhile……

Dear Jake,

When I ask you to do something….I’m not asking for my health. I’m asking because I actually want you to do something. So why is the trash still waiting to be taken out?

Love,

Your frustrated wife

Dear Weather,

Honestly, we’d all be fine if you stuck to temperatures in the 70’s. Even the low 80’s. Anything above that is overkill.

Love,

Hot, sweaty, and disgruntled pregnant lady that already has an elevated temperature, thanks

Dear Money,

In the past, I’ve asked you to grow on trees. I’m changing that request. You need to just appear in my bank account. You’d be all gone before I could get to you if you grew on trees out here, and that defeats the purpose.

Love,

Sick of having to pinch pennies

Dear Car,

I love you, I really do. But you need to stop making those noises. It’s annoying and I don’t have the money right now to get you fixed.

Love,

Your owner

Dear House,

Clean yourself, would ya? I just don’t have the motivation today to clean you…..even though I need to. Granted, you’re not that bad, but it’s going to take an act of God for me to get the downstairs sufficiently de-kittified for Daddy.

Love,

Lazy feeling housewife

Dear Riley and Kasey,

Stop shedding so much!!!! I know it’s hot outside, but it’s nice and cool here in the house. Mommy’s sick of having clumps of hair come off when she pets you.

And stop jumping on the end table and climbing in the window!! How many times do we have to tell you NO before you finally listen?

You’re NOT allowed to jump on top of the desk to try and look out that window, either. Why do you think I put all of those picture frames up there?

And Riley, you need to stop throwing up your food all of the time. Or, if you must throw up, don’t do it on the carpet.

Kasey, you need to eat your food OVER THE FOOD BOWL. Mommy’s sick of vacuuming up kitty food crumbs.

 

Love,

Mommy

Dear skin,

Stop itching!!!! I mean, you don’t bother me too much during the day, so why do you have to torture me at night when I’m trying to sleep?

Love,

Sick of scratching

Dear Noah,

I love you dearly, little man, but…..could you not kick me quite so hard? It hurts. And could you just pick a way to lay and stay there? It hurts when you go rolling all around, too. And stop being so stubborn and let Daddy feel you kick! He loves you too, and I think he feels a little left out.

Love,

Mommy

Dear pelvic bone,

Could you stop literally being a pain? It’d be nice to be able to walk, roll over in bed, and put my pants on without wanting to cry.

Love,

Disgruntled pregnant lady

 

That’s about all for now. Maybe I’ll come up with some more later.

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