Anticipation *

Gah, I’m turning into a basket case here.

It’s 3:34, and I have yet to hear anything regarding my amnio results. I even made sure to bring the regular phone and my cell phone into the bedroom with me last night in case they tried to call while I was still asleep. No such luck, although mom pissed me off ’cause she called and woke me up…..and she called the house phone, so I snatched it up hoping it would be the doctor, but obviously that wasn’t the case.

*edit*

Scratch all of that…..4:28 and they JUST called me. Preliminary results say I have myself a healthy little boy with 46 chromosomes, just like he should have. They’re going to call me back tomorrow once the doctor double checks everything and signs off on it.

I played with the pack n play last night, set it all up and then took it all back down, to see how easy it would be. It turned out to be a lot easier than I expected. I had to laugh at Jake, ’cause he thought it’d be smaller than it is!!

Jake refused to go to the track last night, and I doubt he’ll go tonight, either.

I still don’t have a working air conditioner. Which really sucks, ’cause it’s getting hotter out again.

I’m getting sick of waiting around the house just to have the maintenance guy NOT show up. I actually have things I need to be doing. I’m not as concerned about missing the doctor calling, because I also gave them my cell phone number. But it’d really suck to miss the maintenance guy and then have to wait longer for a functional air conditioner.

I’m really anxious to find out who in the heck bought the travel system. Not like this narrows it down any, but it’s gotta be one of y’all, someone from my politics forum, or my mom. I’m pretty sure Jake hasn’t mentioned to his family where we’re registered, and I doubt anyone else in my family (unless it was Danny and Marissa) could afford it, if they even know where we’re registered, ’cause I sure haven’t told any of them.

It’s blessings like this that make me think there must be some sort of higher power out there. Sometimes, I have to wonder.

It’s so easy to lose faith that there may be something out there greater than us when things aren’t going just the way we want, when our prayers are continually left unanswered. It wasn’t even a year ago that I was feeling a major disconnect from Jake and the rest of the world; it’s been less than a year since I felt myself spiralling down to the place I was 3 1/2 years ago. And here I am now, and Jake and I are getting along better than ever, I have this little miracle growing in me just when I was starting to think it’d never happen for us, and I’m surrounded by so many folks that care so much about us. How can things like that NOT be the work of something greater?

But then again….*sigh*. I feel like such a wench sometimes. For the most part, things are great, but at the same time….I don’t even know yet if my baby is healthy. Though I’m grateful to be having a child, period, I’m still sad that I’m not having a little girl. And I’ve really been struggling with that one. I KNOW I’ll love Noah, because he’s half me, half Jake, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve lost something. And certain comments that have been made, right here in my diary, on OTHER diaries, and elsewhere, aren’t helping me at all. Damnit, I AM happy to be having a baby, period. Yes, I’m aware that there are women out there that CAN’T get pregnant and would love to be in my shoes, and that wouldn’t care what the gender is. How can people tell me that now my daughter will have an older brother to protect her, when I don’t even know if I’ll ever have a little girl? People don’t realize how hard it is to let go of something like this, something you wanted and felt so strongly.

I just need time to process it for myself.

Make your Doodlebug predictions here!

You can also make guesses at ExpectNet. If the link doesn’t work, the game name is DoodlebugM.