A bit better

I’m feeling a little better about this whole abnormal results thing. I’m not 100% reassured, though. I know that this could mean absolutely nothing, that the chances of Doodlebug actually having Down’s is slim. But, it’s not a guarantee, and I won’t completely relax until I know for sure one way or the other. Mom’s boss let her switch her vacation day, so she’ll be with me next week, and that makes me feel a lot better as well – I’m nervous enough as it is, and if they do see something on the ultrasound that would indicate Down’s, I couldn’t handle that alone. I’d certainly be in no condition to drive myself home, and I’d go nuts waiting for Jake to get home.

If they DON’T see anything with the ultrasound, I’m guessing that they’ll want to do an amnio. I’m a little apprehensive about that, since it does carry a small risk of miscarriage, but I think I’d have to have it done. It’s so much more accurate, and I just couldn’t stand NOT knowing one way or the other – I’d worry myself sick until the baby is born, and that wouldn’t be healthy for me OR Doodlebug. Not to mention, if Doodlebug does indeed have Down’s, Jake and I will need this time to prepare ourselves mentally and to figure out how we’d handle it. Before anyone asks, NO, I would not get an abortion. But I honestly don’t know if we could financially handle a special needs child, not right now anyway, and we might have to consider adoption. But, I’m trying to think positive, so I’m not even seriously entertaining that thought right now.

Jake has been absolutely wonderful about this. When he got home yesterday, I couldn’t tell him right away…I started to, but then I just broke down, and he immediately came over and held me until I calmed down enough to get it out, and continued to hold me until I calmed down even more so we could discuss it. He had the reaction I predicted to my mom – he thinks it’s somehow his fault, for all of the jokes he makes (like, he calls his ex Down Syndrome Girl). Now, obviously, this wouldn’t be his fault OR mine, but I understand where he’s coming from.What really impressed me was the fact that he went online and did some of his own research so that we could talk about it even more.

He called JR last night and told him, but we’re not telling anyone else in his family until we know more. We’re not sure how Daddy would react, but I’m pretty sure that Brandi would pretty much gloat at us, especially with the way she’s been acting lately (from what we’ve heard….don’t know if I mentioned this or not, but she’s living with Daddy for the time being.). Not like she has any room to gloat – Devon, her oldest, probably has ADD; Christopher, the middle child, has respiratory problems (probably due to the drugs we suspect she was doing while pregnant with him); and Katelynn could potentially develop problems due to Brandi doing cocaine right before she delivered her. Now granted, none of that is as serious as Down’s, but still….we know Brandi, and we know that she’d have some incredibly rude things to say, and we also know that we’d both kick her ass for saying them….just don’t need that right now. And Granny…..well, Granny gets some funny ideas sometimes. Like, I guess before Dale was born, they told Louisa that he had a lot of space between his brain and his skull, and Granny thought that meant he had Down’s.

Point being, we would like to enjoy our weekend out there (we’re going out this weekend since Jake doesn’t have to work on Friday) without everyone pestering us about this, when we don’t even know anything definite.

*sigh*……anyway. It’s late, I should be getting to bed.

Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers. They’re all much appreciated, and i honestly don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have y’all to talk to about this.

Make your Doodlebug predictions here!

You can also make guesses at ExpectNet. If the link doesn’t work, the game name is DoodlebugM.