Whew.

http://www.hpphoto.com/servlet/LinkPhoto?GUID=3a871e69-4b8b-3259-3173-1201228bc02e&size=lg

*For now I’m going with the link.  I’m trying to figure out why my pics disappeared after they worked just fine, but I’ll do that later.  This one is Logan, just before his lst birthday.  I’ve got some other great ones too where he’s smiling, and I’ll get them up when I can.

This is one year I am glad Christmas is O.V.E.R.   Getting into the spirit was work, and everything else was just hectic.  Over it all, my emotions were held so tightly in check-so I didn’t just break down and bawl my head off, thus ruining everyone elses day-that by yesterday I was so wiped out, I couldn’t even think.

Today I’ve taken just for me.  I’ve been online mainly, catching up with everyone. I did run down to ready some chickens for broasting and threw them in the oven, other then that, just in my office.   It’s been wonderful and just what I needed.

My younger bro. came home for Christmas, and am I thankful.  Having him here-he never gets home for Christmas-really helped.  It all seemed surreal to me.  I really didn’t feel much.  Christmas morning on our way up to mom’s, an eagle swooped down right in front of us heading straight up the highway. *smile*  THEN I felt wonderful for a bit.  It’d never happened before and it made Dad seem closer, I knew he was “with” us and watching over us.  Those little gifts get ya through the hard times.  Dinner was yummy and I smiled and laughed and everything, but honestly felt more nerved up inside then anything.  Suppose it’s natural. 

My aunt, my mom’s sister, is having health problems. Mom is so worried about her. They are very close and she’s helped mom so much.   It’s really making this time even harder for mom, so all of us tried very hard to uplift her spirits.  Her eyes were so sad.

I hope the girls and Logan had a good Christmas.  They sure seemed happy-ecstatic-over their gifts. *L*  We had a happy Christmas eve in spite of it all. Logan was so funny, wayyyy more interested in the wrappings and bows then the actual gifts.  His favorite was a race car from Brie and Carl.  It is the most annoying, of course.   It rev’s up, plays a song and a few other things, but the worst is that you cannot turn it down. And it’s loud!!  He loves it, carries it around, and cracks up when he hits the song button. Then he’ll dance around too.  Too cute really, to be too annoyed.  Yet. *w*

I’m really looking forward to 2004.  Bring it on.  And be nice!  Alot of people are saying that, seems like it’s been a tough one for many of us.  That’s life however, and this too shall pass.  

We took my bro. to the airport last night.  Thankfully he did not want us to come in and wait, and security is so high that we agreed. That is just too heartbreaking. It’s hard enough saying good bye to him, if I watched him get on the plane and fly off, I’m sure I would have dropped. One big puddle right there in the airport.  That would’ve been cute. Heh.   He came home with us the day after Christmas, which was nice, we had a great day together and had some time to talk and laugh and relax.  

My older brother had quit smoking, and drinking (because that makes him want to smoke). I am sending him a carton before we go up there again. Oy.  He did okay during the day, rather cool, he was pissed Carl came-G likes JUST family, especially now-but okay.  That night however, when we got back to his house, he’d reached his limit. It was just Hubs and me and Rich staying there. Chels stayed with Grandma and the kids and Logan came back home.  That was enough. Poor Greg. He just wasn’t happy.   Rich said he’d just moved to the smallest patch (the nicotine one).  Glad we just stayed the night and Greg went to work early.  I tiptoed around him I can tell you that.  Then I went to take a bath, he has a jacuzzi, and he said, “well I’ll be in bed by the time you get done so I’ll see ya.”  Didn’t get up, didn’t move, just stated that little fact.  I simply said, “Ok, see ya later.” and fled!   He’s not huggy kissy on a good day, so you can imagine.  What a bear.  

All in all, it wasn’t a jolly old Christmas. But no one expected it to be, so… But we got thru’ it and that’s the main thing.  No one erupted or broke down, we all tried hard and there’s  a warm feeling from that.  Just knowing we all tried hard for everyone elses sakes.  And for dad. He wouldn’t want us to be anything else.  

I kept thinking the weirdest things.  Like, do they celebrate Christmas in heaven? I mean, they must! It’s Jesus’ birthday after all.  I wonder what goes on.  To…Can Dad see us? Is he with us?  I wonder if he- STOP.  That was too hard.    Then we’d play scrabble or take a walk.  Strange day.   I’m glad it’s over.

For New Years, hubs and I will babysit Logan and we’re going to get some special munchies we like and a couple of movies and basically have a quiet night.  Hubs has his surgery, to remove the pollups in his nose, on Tues, so he’ll be laid up for a few days and neither of us feel like celebrating just now.  A special evening at home with Logan feels like just the thing.  Hopefully-Oh so hopefully-Brie and Carl enjoy whatever they do and there is NO MORE DRAMA.  Sheesh.

Hmmm, weird entry.  But, that’s about how I feel right now.  Not real bad, and I’ve enjoyed my day, I prob. don’t sound like it however.  Oops.   I can smell my chicken upstairs in my office, smells good.  Also smells like I better get  the rest of my meal ready, so I’m gone for now.

xoxo