Where to Start…

I was doing ok until I read the notes you all left me, then the tears started again. But these were happy tears. Thank you all so very much. So much. Your words mean so much to me and the care and concern I felt from you makes me feel so blessed.

Tears are never far away yet. I have good days and not so good days. You won’t be surprised to hear Logan has been my saving grace. I just don’t know what I would’ve done w/o him those first few weeks-and now.

It’s hard to talk about Dad. Especially in the past tense. That just seems impossible. I, we all, thought we were prepared. But you can’t prepare yourself for that. Dad had such a presence, he was one of those, and it was something I just don’t think any of us could fathom. Even now I find myself unable to accept it at times.

Mom’s doing pretty good. You know they were married 52 years. She was 17 when they married, I just can’t imagine. But she said she was not going to be one of those woman who sat in a chair thinking their life was over. And she’s not! 🙂 She says it’s still so hard though. She feels so weary underneath, and lost at times. But then her chin shoots up, and she’s moving on again.

All of us kids are having a tough time and have changed. You can’t go thru’ something like we did and not. Time helps. But right now we’re all a little lost.

I miss him more then I can say.

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Logan just had his lst birthday! Last Wednesday. I tried to post some pics but it seems I’ve lost the hang of it. I’ll figure it out. He is our pride and joy. He’s walking now and says, besides mama and dada, mmmma (gramma) and bampa (granpa) and pup, and other things we haven’t figured out yet. He’s also hell on wheels and the quiet little baby who sat so nicely is a thing of the past. Ha. Little bugger, he keeps us jumping. Smart! The little stinker is so smart! He figures out things, like how to pull the floor vents out, we never even think he could do.

He and Brie live with us now. They have their own little apt. attached to the garage. That’s a long story. Anyway I get to spend all the time I want with him. Which is a lot. J

Today he was babtized, another special day. So it’s been a busy week. He didn’t much like standing up there in front of everyone until the minister did the actual babtizing, then he got real quiet-thought that was most interesting I guess. 😉 Then he held the ministers hand as he gave the blessing, although we suspect he may have been trying to bite it. Argh. Nah, he’s not a little brat, just a phase right now. I hope.

Well that’s about it for today. Our family is really going through some very hard times right now. You know we are very close to my cousins? Right after Dad passed, my cousins husbands dad passed. Then my cousins Grandma, then my mom’s cousin. Now our sweet little Annie, who I’ve talked about before, has a tumor-inoperable, in her shoulder, and is scheduled for 3 very heavy bouts of Chemo. She had Chemo before, for the breast cancer, but it was a much lighter dose as she had a mastectomy. Then she’s had radiation for the brain tumor, and the lymph node. 10 years ago, they gave her 5 years. If anyone can beat this she can…but it’s very scary this time…even more so then the other times. I just ache for my aunt and uncle too. Hard times, and to make it, you keep busy and think positive and try and be cheerful-harder to do if I write and thus dwell, so I’ve been scarce.

I came on to write yesterday-I think- and saw that Kev, a diarist here had passed away. He was such a great guy and I know his loss is going to be so hard for those here that were so close to him. I wasn’t as close as some, yet I was uplifted and helped out so many times by his words and notes. I certainly feel that I have lost a friend…he made you feel that way, though his own struggles were hard and he was so ill, he still made you feel you had a friend and would come through with just the perfect words when needed. I will miss him and his passing will certainly leave a large hole here at OD as he was one of the lst to join and his wisdom and courage were respected and admired by many, he certainly gave me strength many, many times. When I read of it I was so shocked and so sad I couldn’t write, I couldn’t write today without saying something about this remarkable man who left too soon. 

Go with God Kev. I will miss you.

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Sometimes life is full of sadness isn’t it? Your heart feels so heavy, like it could simply drop right out of your chest. It becomes harder to see the good things, you have to really look. Sometimes you receive a gift, I have, right at those moments I felt I would never recover and at the risk of sounding like a crazy, I’ll tell you the latest. On Logans birthday, I was so happy yet sad that my dad wasn’t here for it. Carl, who was visiting for the big day had gone out to the porch and came back in to tell us to come out and see the rainbow. I said that there couldn’t be a rainbow, it hadn’t rained for days and wasn’t in the forecast must be a shadow on the clouds. But we went and looked. Sure enough there was a bright, beautiful rainbow directly in front of our house. I looked at Brie and said, “It’s Dad.” And She said at the same time, “It’s Lisa.” We smiled and said, “Happy Birthday Logan.”

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Thank you again for your wonderful notes, I am truly blessed to have such women as you in my life. I’ve missed you all and will catch up with you as soon as I can. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Love,