Soul Searching

The past entries I’ve read have been both good and bad.   The good memories are priceless of course and I loved rereading them again but the sad times were no fun.  There were a lot of sad times.  I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime. A lot, but I stayed positive through it all. It didn’t break me and I’ve learned lessons but some  of it, I just don’t see a reason for.  That’s why I don’t believe things happen for  reason anymore.  Too much in my life that there was just no reason for.

But enough about that.  The sun is shining, and although it is cold, 9 above with a windchill of -2, it’s at least nice to see blue sky.  I am tired of the cold though!  April can’t get here fast enough for me.  You notice I skipped right over March and that’s because it can be an iffy month.   A lot of times we get a lot of snow, which I don’t like anymore, but sometimes we get warmer days.  It just depends.  In April, Chels, Logan, Jersey and her best friend and me, are going to Florida and we just can’t wait.  We’ve gone every year for the last 4 years, maybe even 5 now that I think of it and we always have a blast.  We used to go to Disney World when Chels was with her old boyfriend-his family is big into Disney-and cuz the kids were littler but now we go to Coral Springs.  We really like the area and found a great  BRB, a super nice house with a pool and a hot tub and plenty big for all of us.   I feel lucky to be able to go.

I’ve been inside all weekend and I can’t wait to get outside today, it was so cold over the weekend that it was nice to stay in my warm apartment.  I kept busy doing this and that and watching Elementary on Hulu and rereading on here so it went by fast.  I don’t have to go uptown today but I will get some fresh air today either by going on a walk or sitting on my deck, I have a neck pillow that wraps around and I can heat up so that keeps me warm for 10-15 minutes.

I’m going to rejoin the world today after being so immersed in the past for the past week and I think it will feel  good.  I do so miss my noters on here, how lucky I was to have so many great friends for so many years in the past.   They are not on here anymore but I look forward to making more on here now.  I’ve already had a couple noters and found a new diary to read so that’s good.  I feel like I am coming up for air.  This morning I was awake early because I was having so many bad dreams about the past and the mistakes I made.  I am so hard on myself, I don’t like that but I always have been.  I think it’s time to stop rereading.  The good memories were a treasure trove however and I was happy to reread those again.  What joy I have had in the past and it continues today with my girls and Logan and Jersey.  I am thankful.

Well I think I am going to go out to the deck for a bit, I feel sick to my stomach because I didn’t get enough sleep and I think the fresh air will help.  I think I will start  closing like I used to and I’ll do that now.  Have a great day.

Blessings.