Relief…

I always wonder why I wait so long to talk about things in here…when I do and read your notes-I get instant relief. Thank you all so much.

One of the reasons I started this diary was to talk about my bipolar. To help anyone else who has it and to help me feel less “weird” about it. Not something to hide but something to deal with. It’s really done that in all area’s. Which is nice. 🙂

The extra Celexa is helping too, altho’ the last time I did this it worked better. Still it is helping quite a bit. Something I haven’t been doing regularly and need to,is getting my blood levels checked. This is for a couple reasons, to make sure the teg. levels are good (one med I take)and to make sure my white blood cells are all ok. The teg. can hurt those and my liver after time and must be kept monitored. Oops.

I should be doing that every 3 months, along with a visit to my med doc., but …but….it’s been so BUSY!! *L* Ah, well,that’s how it goes. Chances are I’d meet w/ the doc and all would be fine, then the next month all hell would break loose and I’d have to sched. again. That’s definitely the way things go!

So. Whatever. I’ll do that today. Go get my blood levels checked so he has them when I see him. I also see Lorrie and that always helps. I’m hanging in.

Just talked to Brie, she’s trying to work up a schedule for Logan and I have to laugh-because I did the very same with my kids and it didn’t help a whit. They do what they do. I could hear Logan chatting away and she said he wanted to talk to me, so she put the phone up to him, I said hi to my baby boy and he cooed and ahhed back at me. Sigh, sigh, sigh. Yummy child, can’t wait to hold him today and smell his little head. *L*

He is such a blessing to us all, his timing couldn’t be better and as a friend here suggested, it was God’s doing. Had to be, because it was perfect timing. Logan fills up any gaps, and completely soothes and heals any leftover pain from the last few traumatic years-for us all. I look around at my family, our faces glowing and happy, clustered around him and my happiness and gratitude know no bounds. Thank You God.

Then there’s Logan, all cuddled up, looking around at us all with those big, blue eyes. Precious boy looking so adorable and sweet and probably thinking “Hey, who are all those really big faces that talk so funny?” *L* He just gets these really pondering looks on his face, his little hands clasped-you can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking.

I cannot believe his strength, he holds his head up and looks around-he’s done this for a couple weeks,no bobbing around either. It’s got to be because he was overdue. He smiles right back too, consistently, it can’t all be gas!

Brie’s fine, but tired, so tired. Her iron is dangerously low, so she’s going to be giving Logan some formula along w/ breast milk. She’s on iron, but it’s not doing much. Doc also put her on Paxil. She’s going to feel like a new woman when her iron is back up and her depression is gone. But she’s still happy, laughing and loving, Logan is pure joy to her and she is as content and attentive and loving a mommy as I could ever hope her to be.

That’s another reason this anxiety is really pissing me off. I mean just bugger off bipolar! Really don’t need it messing with my happiness right now. Hmmm, that reminds me I haven’t called the med doc’s office again. Yep, I am on the cancellation list, if there is one I’ll get called, however I don’t know how long that list is. Oy.

Talked to mom and dad. Dad had been feeling so good, he’d stopped taking one of his meds and his BP shot up. Sigh. This from the man I thought was smarter then anyone? I told him he’s lucky he’s 3 hours away. That’s the oldest trick in the book your mind will play on you “Oh, I feel great! I’m cured! I don’t need this medicine anymore.” He-llo. What helped in the first place?! So he went to his old doc up there (the one that couldn’t help him before) and is back on all meds. That’ll take a couple weeks to regulate again. I spoke to mom about this the first time, last week, so soon, soon. That’s my biggest fear about him moving back home. The doctors. The medical care. It all damn near killed him before. He didn’t start getting well until he was treated down here in the cities. But what’s done is done.

Boy I’m just chatty cathy today. My leg is jiggling about 100 mph. BPD in action, mania may be setting in. Well mania is fun, give me a rest from the skin crawling anxiety at any rate plus my neglected housework will be done in a snap. *L* Hey, you got to find the silver linings.

But then there’s that dang crash after…ok, time to call the doc. Then I’ll put the energy to good use…after my lethargy of late, it feels awesome. No way I can keep up when my brain is going this fast either, if this were on paper it’d be nothing but chicken scratch. Heh.

Have a great day, and thank you all again. {{{{{hugs}}}}}