One Step Forward…

…Three steps back.  It can go like that with bipolar and I think winter is really getting to me as well.  It has been beautiful the last three days and that’s been so nice, blue skies and 30’s.  The forecast looks crappy for Saturday though, 3″ inches of rain and snow expected and I’m so not happy about that!  It did not help my depression and I wish I hadn’t looked today.

There is just no reason for me to be depressed today except that I am very lonely.  Chels and I have been supposed to go out to lunch for the past two weeks but she’s just been so busy she’s had to put it off.  She told me today that  I can always go to her place anytime I want to so I might do that soon and stay a day or two, that would sure help as I’d get to see Logan and Jersey too I’m sure.  Chels said we are for sure going out to lunch this week so I might go next week.

I’m gonna do door dash tonight, I’m thinking Chinese sounds good, chicken teriyaki and fried rice.  A treat might help tonight and tomorrow is payday so I can do it without worrying.

I  haven’t been sleeping good, waking up too early in the morning. Yesterday it was 5:30 am ugh, way too early for me. I’m such a nightowl and I stay up til 1 so that wasn’t nearly enough  sleep for me.  That does not help this depression at all, makes it worse all the time.  Today I slept til 9:30 so I feel rested up which is nice.   I’ve been worrying too much about everything and it has an affect on my sleep patterns  all the time.  The worry has been constant and about everything, especially the kids-Brie, Chels, Logan and Jersey.  I’ve been doing all I can to alleviate it nothing is working and I’m so frustrated and I think that’s why I’m depressed now that I think of it as I write it out.  No wonder I’m depressed with all this worry.  Sometimes writing it out makes me pinpoint my feelings.

I don’t have to go anywhere today and I’m glad.  I can just stay home and occupy myself and shut off this worry with Hulu and Parenthood.  That will keep my brain off my feelings and worry.  That’s where I’m headed in fact. Have a great day.