I’m Fergilicious-NOT, but Jersey is!

My sister  just sent me one of those "special" Christmas cards this year, the one with the actual photo on it.    it is of my husband and a middle aged, frumpy, woman.  She had funny looking skin and really, REALLY should not wear her hair like that.  Thank God she weighs at least 10 pounds more then I do or I’d have thought it was me. 

Sigh. I have one picture of myself that I like.  It is of me and Logan.  I like it because you can see how much I love him.  My graduation pic is okay, I guess.  I liked that one because I looked older. I WANTED to look older then!

I asked Steve, again, "THIS is what I look like?  I look this THIS and you let me leave the house?"  He was laughing too hard at first to hear me, but when he did, he just shook his head.  This is what he does, he and the girls, they love,love,love looking at my pictures. So they can laugh at them.   I do not get it.  I take the worst pictures of anyone I know.  You think I’m kidding right?  Over reacting?  Being a little vain?   Here’s what my sister in law said when I met her (I didn’t meet her until they were married), "Oh, you’re so pretty!"  Then she pointed to the fridge where my bro had a pic of me and my family, "You don’t look like your picture!"   She is very sweet and Philipino so she has the cutest accent, does not have a mean bone in her body-just in case that sounded like she was snotty, she just sounded very happy for me that I did not look like that!  Yes.  I’m thrilled.

It’s not even that I’d like to look beautiful, or pretty or whatever, just look SOMETHING like myself.  Ya know, to hear, "Oh there you are!" While pointing at my pic.  Instead of "Is THAT you?"    Yes, people, it is me.  And that’s why you seldom see a picture of me anywhere, nor can you even find one in my house.   No, I  don’t duck, or hide if a photo is being taken, I just hunt it down later and hide it.  Except from my older brother and sister, they love to have them up so they watch me like a hawk .  Vic, so she can laugh.  But Greg, when I complain, will say kindly (and he’s not usually kind which makes it really bad), "oh, it’s not that bad Solitare." 

It IS bad.  I don’t mean I look so bad in pics, I suppose if you looked objectivly *shudder* you wouldn’t think so.  Oh, yes, you would.  My daughters, who are beautiful, look at pics of themselves and don’t like some of them,  which I get-no one I know likes all the pics of them. But at least their pics are not a constant source of amusement for others!  

Oh well, guess which thing will come down first when I’m taking down Christmas stuff?   I do have "it" up right now, because it’s of me and Steve, and as I told you there aren’t that many due to my aforementioned problem.  Also it’s of us on our trip down south where we had a great time.   I should probably tell you about it sometime, it was quite the trip.

*stretch*

Mmmmm, yummy.  I just got a fresh cup of coffee.  Which is where I spotted the picture that sent me off on this little tirade.   (Do NOT go back there.)   I love coffee.   Do not leave home without it.   I have a new thermos (I’m  not kidding , I take a THERMOS along, no wimpy cup for me) and just in case you need one: DO NOT BUY THIS KIND—->  It is THERMOS brand (excuse me while I wipe coffee off my hand, I had to pick it up to look at the bottom), it is silver, with a black lid, shaped like a carafe.   The NO spill kind.  With a vaccuum lid.  The vaccuum lid is correct.  You shut that sucker and it seals tight, it seals so tight that the next time you open it, coffee goes shooting out in a lovely forceful spray.     It doesn’t spill out of the front if it tips over either, no, no, it spills out of the front AND the back.    It also has a dent.

Well, it didn’t come with the dent.  That came from me when  I went to pour myself a cup of coffee out the "tightly sealed" carafe,  and these things happened in succession:   Coffee shot out of the top of the carafe.  I set it down quickly to wipe off the wall.  It tipped as I set it down. Boiling coffee spilled over my hand, front and back.  I threw the carafe across the floor.

If I wasn’t such a procrastinator I would’ve gotten me a new thermos by now.  But then what, besides my pictures, would I have to bitch about? 

If I wasn’t a procrastinator, I would be putting my china in my china cabinet.   I love my china cabinet, I got it from my dad.  It’s very lovely, and very old.  The wood gleams like gloss and it has the wavery glass in it.  It’s also very large and a NIGHTMARE to move.  I freak out.  Just ask Steve.  That’s the only thing I was worried about when we moved.   It’s large and takes 3 guys to CAREFULLY move it.   We’d painted all the rooms as fast as we could to get in here and we painted the living room and the dining room (they are open)  with a darker color-its a darker buttery-gold-and it was over white Kilz.  Not a good idea (always use grey Kilz when painting a dark color).  Anyway, it looks a little "streaky" to us and so we were going to give it a third coat (or fourth??) after we moved in.  Yeah, right.  Like we haven’t had a million other things to do.  So, cleverly, I wasn’t going to put the china in it until we had to move it out to paint that last coat.  THEN I’d put the china in and I wouldn’t end up doing it twice.  See?  Clever.

We haven’t painted.  It’s almost Christmas.  I got by on Thanksgiving without using the china, but not for Christmas.  We’ve used this china for the last 30 years on Christmas.  Well Thanksgiving too, but the whole family wasn’t here, so I didn’t feel bad.    Obviously, I got the china along with the china cabinet.   Mom had a ton of it.    I will not be the one to break that tradition for Christmas. Nosir. Not me. 

Also, it is the weekend.  The only people that shop on the weekend if they don’t have to, are nuts.  Nuts.  Do they not know how many people are out there?!    Or on the roads?  And not a one of them can drive, or shop nicely.   Irritating beyond belief those people are.    I never like a lot of people, but at Christmas time, the numbers swell to horrifyingly large numbers.   My children do not call me a hermit for no reason. 

So, I stay home.  And I must be productive, because otherwise…well, I’m not.  Egads.  My guilt complex does not let me live like that!  So, I will put up the china and I will finish my bookshelves.  Although I need one more.  Steve came in, looked at them and at the books I still had in boxes.  Shared a few choice words with me, and then asked wherein  hell  I was going to put more bookshelves.  I don’t see that as my problem.  HE is the man who can build.  He’s the builder.   Sounded like a personal problem to me and that’s what I told him.   Apparently he agreed as he left quickly.   I guess it was hot in here, that would explain why his face was so red.

I have kept it hot in here.  I swear Minnesota is not an easy place to live in when you hit your 40’s.  Too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter.  It’s not even cold, it’s like 30 -40 degrees today.  ABOVE zero.  But yet, I’m still cold.  I’m warm outside, but inside where it’s 70 some degrees, I’m cold.   Makes no sense does it?  But there you have it.  And, in the summer, if it’s hotter then 80 I’m dying of the heat.   Baffles the mind.

Ok, I suppose I should get busy.   For my Logan story, alas it is not a funny nor cute one today.   Do you know what that  darling child did-or rather didn’t do?  Do you KNOW that when I left their house yesterday he did not give me a hug?!  Blow me a kiss?  Smile?   Nothing.   I could not believe it.  I said, "But Logan, I’m Grandma!"  Nothing. 

"Your grandmother, your darling?"  Nada. 

"The ONE who has LIVED her LIFE for YOU."  Zip. 

"OK.  I’m leaving!"  A limp wave while watching his mother laughing at me. 

I’m told this has something to do with the fact that he now has to compete for his mothers attention with the second child or some such crap.   Like that matters.   Lucky for him, he called me later before he went to bed to tell me he loved me.  Do you think 4 is too young for lectures?

And here is what the fuss is all about…

Oops!  I resized this at photo bucket and it worked just fine on that site!!  Tips anyone?  Anyway, I guess she is kinda worth a lot of fuss, hey?  You get to REALLY see what she looks like-dang near life size!