Decisions

Usually I am not good at making decisions, I go back and forth and then change my mind.   I don’t know what that is I guess that’s a good question for my therapist.   The latest one is changing my quit smoking date although I do have good reasons for changing it, is just another example.  When I asked if I want to do something I will hem and haw over it then usually say no and then regret it.  Frustrating.   Chels has caught onto that so she’ll always remind me about that when she’s the one asking me to do something, bless her heart, so I often make up my mind after talking to her.

Now unto the reason that I changed my quit date..I have been exchanging emails with my hypnotherapist and we determined that I wasn’t fully ready to quit.   She said that hypnosis wouldn’t work until I’ve made up my mind for certain that I want to be a non-smoker and I’m just not there yet even though I really want to quit.   I haven’t set a new quit date yet, we’ll see what the week brings.  I am watching a lot of her videos about quitting and they are really opening my eyes to a lot of the reason smokers smoke.   I’m excited to become ready to quit.  Smoking will be hard for the next few days because it’s going to be so cold and I can’t smoke in my apartment so I have to go outside.  Only 7 above tomorrow, brrr-even for this Minnesota girl!

I wish I had someone to talk to about this quitting business.  I can’t talk to Chels because she worries so about me smoking in the first place and I don’t want to remind her about it.  My sister doesn’t smoke so she doesn’t understand although she tries which I appreciate.   I’ll figure it out, I just wish I could talk to Chels because she’s the one I always bounce ideas off  and she always helps.

I went uptown today and froze my butt off, it was 14 above but with the  wind chill it was below zero.  I am so tired of winter I could scream, and I never scream.  I had to run a couple of errands and pick up a prescription so I had to go, besides it’s gonna be even colder tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will clean and get my apartment back into ship shape.  This morning our electric company came in for some energy updates and I wished I had cleaned yesterday.   Speaking of that, it was a rude awakening to have them knocking at my door at 9 this morning.  I had been up until 1:30 last night and I was  barely awake.   I never got dressed so fast in my life.  I’m sure I will appreciate the updates they did though when my light bill comes in.

I had to laugh as I reread this entry, it doesn’t make much sense, my thoughts are all over the place.   Best to close now I guess, at least I wrote something ha,I’m trying to write every day.

Have a great night!