3/19/03

Oh you guys, if you only knew how I’ve held your words close to me since I read them. I did come back soon after writing that entry to see if anyone had noted, but couldn’t get the energy to note back or write. Thank you all so much, for once again being there and helping me be strong and cope knowing you’re all behind me. I’m catching up slowly, I’ve gone up north the last couple weekends, 4 days the lst time and 3 the last one…in between I just try to stay above water. I’ve come back a few times, here, just to reread the notes.{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

My dad is doing somewhat better, he is still here, and is a nursing home now. He is still being watched very closely for a stroke and pneumonia. He knows who we are but has trouble with where he is. He seemed a bit better this weekend then last weekend. My sister came back this weekend, so it was a busy one and nice to see her. She got to see Logan and that was so nice, I’m glad she got to see him while he was still little. We’re all trying to take in the facts and I suppose, at the same time, hoping for a miracle.

I’m writing, but sort of in a blur. Last night my (ex) sister in law was killed in a car accident. I just cannot believe it nor take it in though I’ve cried buckets and held Brie as she cried.

Brie was quite hysterical at first, she adored Lisa. (Oh Lord, I had to quit writing after writing that. How can she be gone?)

She had a 14 yr old and a 16 yr. old. Both daughters. Her husbands father had just died also, his wake was today. It’s too terrible for words.

She’d been drinking and that’s what I don’t get. Of all that family, she was the most responsible. She had a designated driver and everything but she slipped out and headed home while no one was looking. Her older bro. realized she was gone soon after and went after her-and found her. She was gone already, she’d broken her neck in the accident. No seat belt. On a road she’d driven a million times and didn’t need to be driving at all. They don’t know if a deer jumped out or what, apparently her pickup left the road, went down a hill and into the trees. She was about 1/4 mile from her driveway.

The funeral is Friday and Brie and Logan and I will head up Thurs. The 3rd weekend in a row for me and one I definitely do not want to have to go for. Or ever thought I would. Cupcake (my nickname for her) was just 36. I met her when she was 11. She was the baby of 10 kids…and adored by all. Of course. I loathe that song “Only the good die young”.

This is so hard for Brie. She’s never had anyone really close to her die. She called me, hysterical and I went over immediately. Later I brought her and Logan home to be with us, she stayed until 9 or so. I’m past tears and into that shock type place, where you don’t feel much but extremely tired. I hope she is too, it’s a sort of relief you know?

I was so nauseous earlier, writing’s helped that. Kind of hate to stop, but it’s late and I should try to go to bed.

At one time, her and I were so close and I loved her so. We were as close as sisters-and fought as sisters at times- and for those years, until I divorced Bri and left town, she was a huge part of my life. The younger sister I never had. Brie stayed with her alot when she lived with Brian and they were very close. She checked her mail and Lisa had forwarded her a joke just 2 days ago. I pray I have the strength to help her thru’ this. At this point, tonight, I just keep shaking my head.

It’s just too much, that family has already lost one sibling. W had a fatal brain tumor about 3 years ago. A, the mom, has outlived 2 of her children…I’m terribly worried about her, all of them.

God Bless you Lisa.