03/19/2013

 so… who takes ruffies for a sleep aids, apparently this guy… 

So one of my buddies calls me up at 11:30 wednesday night and says "Hey Buddy, I got some tickets for the SEC games in Nashville, want to go?" and I say "Hell yea" and I get ahold of my other buddy but he doesn’t have a car for some reason, so I drive like 2 hours north to cincy pick him up, then drive another two hours out of the way to find my buddy with the tickets because he could find his way out of a brown paper bag, or so he says. well we get on the bluegrass parkway, a jankie ass piece of road, make our way to Etown and then head south to Nashville. by the time we get there I had been on the road driving from 12 to about 8 the next morning, what a fucking ride. we show up at our hotel like 5 hours early, and my buddy from cincy talks them into letting us in the room early so we can get a nap in. well we sleep off the ride, then we roll down to the bar where some more friends are at, and the buddy with the tickets had an extra one, well he’s thinking he’s going to get like 2 grand out of one ticket, and the other guys pretty much call him stupid, well he gets up walks away to go scalp, well he comes back about the time I’m getting truely buzzed, and he couldn’t even give them away. well we roll out to another bar, and I buy the drinks this time… 32…32 fucking dollars for 3 drinks, I thought it was expensive but I was drunk so I let it go. well I hand the buddy with the tickets his beer, and no fucking lie, he takes about 2 sips out of it and sits it down and says well guys I think I’m going to go to the games now, I almost wooped his ass, I said "ok asshole take another couple of sips cause I paid 10 bucks for that son of a bitch" so he takes it with him toward the front of the bar, I don’t know if he drank it or not, I hope he did though. I decided after this bar I would go to the game because the one who got the tickets was almost in tears because I wasn’t there. I mean shit he’s like 7 years older than me and I feel like the big brother here. well as I’m slipping my way out the bar this dude wearing some kind of weird 1970’s turtle neck pushes something in a packet into my hand some kind of power stuff, well I put it into my back pocket and forget about it. well we’re out of the bar, and we’re getting hungry by this point, and we find a hotdog stand, I’m waving money saying what will you give me for 5 bucks… well I’ll tell you what I got for 5 bucks… the best damn hotdog, chips, and drink I’ve ever had in my life. so I stumble on over to the games where I run into my other buddy. not gonna lie, I was a little drunk, and he kept asking me questions for some reason then he bought me some cotton candy, and he spent 60 bucks on chicken sandwiches. I felt like I was on a really shitty date. well we finish watching that game while I sober up and stay for half the second one, and roll out, we find this burger joint that was pretty amazing, I remember there being something odd about the burger and I wouldn’t quite put my finger on it, maybe it was the oil or something. my other buddy text me, where you at and then my phone dies so I go back to the hotel. By this time I have the worst headache ever and I’m trying to sleep and it won’t come, well when I do drift off my other buddy burst in and said where the hell were you? he had met these girls that wanted to do the dirty but they wanted each girl to have a dude, well like always I pass out for the good stuff. I lay there most of the night with the worst headache ever, and then it hits me the strange mean in the turtle neck gave me something, so I took it. well I pass out as soon as I hit the bed. when I wake up I felt amazing, haven’t slept that good in years. I turn and look at my buddy from cincy and say "hey, is it wrong to take medicine from a dude wearing a turtle neck in a bar?" and he said "do you really need to ask that question" well after I talked for a few I went and looked at the package and it was some kind of bc cherry headache shit. I guess it was legit I really don’t know though. We finely get up then my buddy from back home takes a duce with the damn door open, and we’re all like what the fuck dude, he didn’t know the other guy well enough to shit with the door open, I mean really he just basically took a shit on us, asshole. well we’re getting ready to roll out and he looks at me and says "hey buddy, could I barrow some money to get home" and I’m thinking you mother fucker you just ate 60 dollars worth of shitty chick at the game last night, really… well I loan him 50 just to get him out of my hair. He really knows how to push buttons.

well after we told my other buddy to drive 80 miles and take a right, we were on our way back to cincy, my buddy was drunk delerious fucked up or something. he looked at me and said "it would have been beautiful if not for the gas" and I said "what?" and then he looks at me like I’m the ass hole because he didn’t remember saying anything. the whole ride back was full of stuff like that. I stopped at a piolt and there was this girl working very cute, well this lady walks up and says "the root beer is nasty, you need to change the bag" she says "thank you, I’ll do it as soon as I help this guy (me)" the lady says "well my daughter really wanted root beer" so the girl takes care of it. I look at her and said "damn, didn’t know there was a VIP around" she laughs and looks at my drink (arnold palmer with peach) she starts talking about how amazing it is and I told her I’ve never had one, and we just kind of kept talking, great repore, to back she lived out in bum fuck.

we make it on up to cincy, and go get things ready for st.patties, and then this guy passes out. the next day we celebrate st.patties I’m wearing a white suit coat, green bandanna, and dark golden sunglasses. everyone said I looked like willie from duck dynasty, although my beard is no where close to that long. well we start out at the house eating our st.patties food, and then some people show up, and I meet the most wonderful little chick, her name was Rachel, and we had a lot in common, I messed around with her for a while, she had fun, I had fun, but she also had a dude some where in the world so not my problem. we were leaving for the first bar and she was going to go home and I ended up purse snatching her and said if you want it back come hang out for a bit and she did, yea I was a jack ass, and it was amazing.

well we end up leaving the first place and then we go to molly malones, and I had to start drinking some waters because I was getting out of hand. well one thing i can say after this weekend is if you look good and know it, the women don’t stop flowing. I made out with at least 40 chicks and about 20 of those started buying me drinks when I started drinking again. I ended up macing on this one older lady in front of her entire family, which I had no idea, wonderful lady though. and another one told me she had a bet going with her friend and I ask what the bet was and she said I bet you’re a teacher, and I said well I’ve been known to teach a few lessons and winked at her and walked away. all in all it was amazing night. we ended up at one more bar Pachinko’s in Covington, it was a little crowed for my taste, my buddy met this little weird ch

ick there and ended up over at her house, I was suppose to go, the mind wanted to but the body shut down.

he ended up missing until sometime in the morning the next day, when he got back he said he had went to her place and this gay dude and a mma chick had gotten in a fist fight. like I said earlier I always pass out for the good stuff.