The Joys of Hitting Girlz

In the United States, 1.3 million women are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually. In 2001, 33% of female murder victims were killed by their spouse or boyfriend. Hitting a girl is neither tolerated nor accepted in American society. In fact, it’s an act that is loathed and denounced by most men. They will gladly stand and label it, “cowardly” or claim proudly that “real men don’t hit women.”

By all accounts, “real men,” don’t. They have no need to. Perhaps there are deeper sociological aspects to consider, but on a daily basis the opportunity may never arise in which a man would have the urge to hit a woman (or I’m totally naïve and dudes want to knock me the fuck out all the time). In general, when you think of a woman being assaulted you think of an abusive relationship between a man and his wife, or a woman and her boyfriend. You think of pimps or poverty stricken, ignorant men in rural Kentucky. You picture a white tank top commonly referred to as a “wife beater.” The average male would never want to be considered the type of guy that would hit a woman. The social stigma and embarrassment would be unbearable and intolerable.

Yet there is a fundamental difference between domestic violence, the act of hitting a spouse, and a physical fight between a man and a woman. If the vagina didn’t matter, if it wasn’t about domestic violence, wife beating, and a social stigma, would so many men avoid a physical altercation with a woman?

Picture an garage on an empty, dusty street somewhere in, say, Utah. Five Asian business men stand before you with an enticing offer. They ask you how much money they would have to pay you in order for you to physically assault a woman. They assure you that the woman has agreed to the arrangement and will be compensated as well. Their translator explains that no one will ever know about this and their will be no legal repercussions of any kind (keep in mind the variables such as “well, I don’t trust Asians,” or “there is never a way to be completely sure that there will be no repercussions” are not applicable for the sake of the answer results). Their brief cases contain different amounts of money. They tell you to name your price. One of them is probably the leader and maybe they have a helicopter out back. I also picture their being a kiddy pool in the garage.

A man’s initial reaction is to claim that no amount of money would provide them with the guts needed to really clock a girl in the face. For some, the reaction was to jokingly state that they would do it for free, or for a small sum of money. After asking so much I began to think that the real question might actually be, “why is hitting girls so funny?” Though, I think that might be a bit over analytical considering the funniest subjects are often ones that are the most taboo. A guy may joke about beating a woman the same as perhaps my friends and I would boast about the joys of abortions and exchange dead baby jokes.

The first male who was privy to this question responded dryly, “500 dollars.” This amount would remain the lowest I recorded until one boy, after it was reiterated that there would be no legal action, responded with, “ten bucks.” The highest price recorded was one million dollars, after which he stated, “and maybe not even then.” Another responded with a reasonable “30 grand.” Many times it had to be repeated to the guys to think about it for real or genuinely, and not just as an opportunity to make a joke. I fear perhaps this experiment was stifled by the seemingly fucked up sense of humor that my subjects possessed.

Here are just a few of the responses that, to me, totally show how much men associate violence against women with sex, whether consciously or subconsciously:

“Would she be clothed?”

“Is she attractive?”

“Can she be naked?”

“Can I get a blow job after?”

While these were obvious jokes, it’s interesting that for some boys the first thing that comes to mind when considering abusing a woman is sex. Even in their jokes it’s an association made by the most common and well doing man.

Another common answer received was, “depends on the girl.” When pressing my subjects further about this response one reasoned that, “if the girl was attractive it would be easier because hot chicks are usually bitches.” While another with the same response admitted that “it’d be easier if she were ugly because no one wants to hurt a pretty face.” Along these same lines I got answers such as “if it were Jennifer Aniston I’d do it for free” and “if she was an old lady I wouldn’t want to ‘cause she might die.”

In some instances the men would turn the question around on me asking, “well, how much would someone have to pay you to get beat up by a man” in which I’d always respond, “eight thousand dollars and I get to be drunk.” For me, there is no social stigma attached to being assaulted by a male, I turn into a victim, whereas they would turn into a monster. In essence, prostitutes are being compensated monetarily and otherwise for putting up with physical abuse from pimps. The only stigma for them is that their, you know, prostitutes.

Even the most intelligent and respectful of men, after really thinking about it, admitted yes, there could put a price tag put on the act of hitting a woman especially if the woman had agreed to it. Some said yes, initially, and then after I pushed them to really think it over would respond again with a, “yeah, I just told you yeah. What’s to think about? I could pay off my student loans.” Only a few claimed that no amount of money would allow them to let go of their long standing feelings towards deliberately hitting a woman. They would simply say they weren’t raised to hit a girl under any circumstances, including business arrangements devised by Asians. Most of them just said that it was “fucked up.”

A few answers I was unable to categorize included, “I’d hit a woman for revenge, not money.” Another asked, “Could she fight back? ‘Cause I’d probably lose.” One of the final and, clearly, the most socially speaking responses was, “could she dress like a bear? I could fight her if I felt like I was protecting myself and I would totally fight a bear.”

After doing this kind of in depth social reporting that Anderson Cooper could only dream about I feel I’m left with more questions than answers. Questions such as, what the fuck is wrong with the people I hang out with? I also realized that clearly I’m not taken seriously. While my theory of the social importance of this question stands, it has become increasingly apparent to me that I could take all those motherfuckers. That’s right, line them up.