my boyfriend says I’m fat

I really don’t like this writingeverycoupleofdays things I’d really rather write like every day yet laziness ensues. Sues your mom for being ugly and lacking love and affection for you because YOURE ugly.

I saw the vagina monologues and my self proclaimed best poster hung in the hallway as you enter. I thought the show was pretty good, only four women three of which were pushing seventy. one had to be at least seventy and it’s always fun to hear a seventy year old women say words like “vagina motherfuckers” and “cunt cunt cunt”. goodtimes. sigh.

the ladies at work are all middle aged with names like janice, sharon, and pam. I got to water plants yesterday. and when I say water plants I mean have sex.

last night brang party to our house which seems to be happening all too often lately.

INTERRUPTION: IF YOU ARE AN ARIZONA RESIDENT AND READING THIS TEEN OPEN DIARY ENTRY PLEASE PICK UP THIS MONTHS ISSUE OF ARIZONA FOOD & LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE AND LOOK AT THE GOLDEN PLATE AWARDS FOR BEST APPETIZERS IN PHOENIX AND YOU WILL FIND THE GIRLFRIEND’S DR.PEPPER BRAISED PORK TACOS, A FULL PAGE PHOTO, YES FULL PAGE PHOTO OF HER BEAUTIFUL DISH AS WELL AS A WRITE UP ABOUT HER AND THE RESTAURANT.

I think the all caps really gave that some effect. or is it affect?

the girlfriend used to work at the whole foods market while she attended culinary school and was friends with a chick named kristen who was, like, hardcore lesbian and her black girlfriend allana. we hung out with them a few times and one night after kristen had drank a fair amount of liquor confessed to us that she had balls.

yes, that’s right, balls. Naturally we didn’t believe her, she is cute and small with spikey hair and though she sports a masculine attitude we’d never assume that she, you know, had manparts. the girlfriend asked if she’d prove it by letting her touch them. and so, she did, over the clothes and nervous. and yes, she confirmed, she did have something similar to balls.

for some reason we lost touch with them after that night until a couple days ago when they called us and wanted to hang out.

enter: last night.

breezy&jane otherwise known as the cool lesbian chicks attended our gathering and before balls and allana arrived we told them about the balls. man, knowing a chick has balls is so fucking funny.

“man, kristen, that was really ballsy of you to say that.”

“you really went balls out on that one huh?”

“when you were a kid did you ever play in the balls at chucky cheese?”

though, we only said this to each other before they arrived of course. when they arrived it was awkward for a moment but then we drank some and hung out around the table and balls, I mean kristen, drank red bull and vodka and her chick drank some sweet foo foo shit and later decided to invite over some more of their friends.

enter: lots of black chicks in our house.

they were impressed with our apartment and said things like “daaamn B!” two of them stayed mostly in our living room perhaps uncomfortable with the whiteness level of the scene. the other two joined in the festivities, took off the unicorns and put in JLo. they were down ass hoes yo and made white jokes and called us crackers and we thought it was pretty funny and/or cool.

the girlfriend passed out early, like always, which left me to host the party alone. notfun for me, though I was fucked up to a level of yes I can party and hide insecurities of social retardation.

jane and breezy are also sort of uncomfortable around new people and jane focused most of her attention on doodling on a three by five card. today she said “when I was drawing I kept drawing things that had to do with balls, I didn’t mean to it was just happening.”

the third roommate also hung out and later his friends from out of town showed up and I felt bad cause I think they were really weirded out by the scene and went straight to bed in the bedroom. hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I dont really blame them though.

later they all went to dennys and I declined their invite and hung out for a while more with the third roommate. balls and her chick showed back up and slept on our couches which meant third roommate had to sleep in the chair in our bedroom with us since his room was occupied by out of town friends. did you get all that? important info brings content of boring diary and senseless sentences such as this one.

tomorrow brings first day of training in the butterfly exhibit at work which means I have to rise early. and when I say rise early I mean have sex.

daaaamn B you must be trippin cause I know you aint wearin those shoes.