lets get hypoallergenic in here

how goes it?

it goes

lalallalallalallaohhhbabybabylalalalla

cause thats how everything goes.

Sarnie came home today. She’s a little shaken up but generally seems okay. Price was high.

for most of this weekend I stood outside the butterfly pavilion in a kiosk and sold admissions tickets and over priced merchandise to families on vacation. I fucking heart working in this cozy kiosk cause I am all alone, free of other employees and small talk. and also omg the boy selling 2.50 water bottles in the booth across the way was, like, so dreamy. is something I might say if I were younger, hetero, and living in the fifties.

One thing about this job is the motherfucking children. All around me. Barefoot with grape juice mustaches and dirty fingernails. Screaming and cooing and being fucking stupid. Wait your turn god dammit and stop dropping our shit and, crazy thing, when your parents say “no”, shut the fuck up.

I realize that last paragraph makes me seem heartless and cynical and kind of angry, like you might want to me to meet your little baby and see how well behaved and smart they are and then I will surely change my mind and then me and my life partner can adopt.

but this wont happen. cause, as you may of heard, the world will end in 2012 and it will take longer than that to convince me to bear a human being out of my tender and worshipped vagina.

again with the cynisism. god Jaime you are so jrhighcutteresque.

My english teacher talked to me for a long time about her family and her daughters and the botanical garden and my topic and my major and writing and public health and liberalism in Phoenix and inborn homosexuality and then she said “have a nice spring break” and the conversation kind of made my day.

and my bed.

ahhahahahahhahahhahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahahhahaa.

tonight the L word is on.

you care for these reasons:

you are gay
you like things
you eat meat
you eat women
you dont eat meat
you do eat women
you like skiing
your mom says youre fat
your mom died
things are happening right now

run!!

i can leave you notes but you cant leave me notes

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the term life partner is suuuuch bullshit

so i looked up “life partner” in the dictionary and what i got instead was this leptene (adj): having a high, a narrow, or a high narrow forehead with an upper facial index of 55.0 to 59.9 as measured on the skull and of 53.0 to 56.9 on the living head funny they have a name for that

jrhightcutteresque. nice word.

according to the insurance world you and sacha are “domestic partners” once again with the “partner” bullshit.

thanks for all the notes, sorry I took so long in getting back. I was, uh… abducted my unlicensed pet groomers and forced to work in a sweat shop shampooing parakeets until one night I managed to open a grill to the ductwork and was led to freedom by friendly dust bunnies. no, that’s not true, but it is true that the domestic dispute woman was black, how did you know? Davo

I don’t think a human being can come out of a vagina. Look at a vagina, look at a baby. No way. I think part of a pregnant woman’s belly kind of pinches off, like you might pinch off a lump of clay or dough, then she, or the midwife, shapes it into a baby. They always say “bring hot water” because that makes it more pliable. That sounds like a more reasonable theory to me. Davo

kids are disgusting at a certain age, but you probably get the nicer ones, whose parents pay them some attention and try to give them “educational experiences”, and don’t just leave them to be vandalistic little urchins. and your older lady there sounds nice. like your nice mom. nice place. nice people. nice. it’s nice to be nice. Davo

Butterflies, butterflies, trying to remember some interesting fact about butterflies… Vladimir Nabokov was a famous butterfly expert, you know. He discovered and named many types and wrote books about them- when he wasn’t writing books about obsessed middle-aged men who boink 12-year-old girls. strange guy. Davo

shit, I tried to leave some notes for curesandcurses but tee-oh-fucking-dee wouldn’t take them, said “timeout” or some such lie. Let me see if I can leave you one now… Davo

oh, sure, I can leave you notes, but not curesandcurses. It’s probably because she’s black. no, wait, I mean lesbian, lesbians are discriminated against, too,right? If she reads this, this will explain why I didn’t leave her any, she’s probably thinking I hate her and am ignoring her, but not so, she is way cool and I am distraught that I can’t note her. So please relay that message. Dav

oh, wait, she already knows, I just read her first note up there. actually, I read it before, but I just thought she was mad at you about something and had blocked your notes and was taunting you about it, but why she would do that I didn’t know. But now all is clear, tod is merely f’d up. I will bide my time, then and contain my notes for her till such a time as it is un-f’d. Davo

worship your vagina? sure, I’ll do more than that, I’ll work it in to the religion I’m planning and millions will worship it. I think it’s already been done, though, did you ever notice that our lady of guadalupe (I’m sure you, living in phoenix, know who she is) looks like she’s standing in a big vagina? we’ll do something like that. Davo

you seem not cynical or heartless, just confident and cocky

im drunk and youre pretty. funny, that is.

i was typing you a note cause i have nothing better to do and then i put my finger on a key and it was sticky and it was discouraging

not only waas it sticky it was wet. HAHAHHAH WEt. im sure you know allllllllllll about that. wet, that is. because you surf. i know how you do.

heres a pickupline ok: your health insurance plan is so good it makes me want to marry you and then kill you so i can get a lot of money

heres another one: u + me + five years from now = divorce settlements & child custody battles

so sarnie’s medical bill was high? maybe the girlfriend didn’t give “bob” head after all, or she’s out of practice at it. but it’s good to have sarnie (him? her?) back, all cleaned up and dried out. try to keep him/her that way. run your spyware detectors paranoically, don’t use internet explorer unless you absolutely have to, download firefox, it’s free and way better. Davo

oh, sarnie is “she”, I see, never mind. I see our semi-incommunicado curesandcurses has a $40 moral dilemma. I predict she will take the high road. Davo

God, I hate kids. Especially in crowded places. Shudder, shudder. I just can’t stand them when they’re all active.