hurry, hurry

when I cough there is a pain that pushed at my eyeballs and it fucking sucks. lately there is been things pushing at every part of me, back and forth, ahead and behind until it’s squeezed me into something I can’t sort out.

I stayed home from work today and drank poweraide and took nyquil and slept until 4. I heard the phone ring a number of times and let it ring and ring until the machine asked it who it was. I closed my eyes on the couch and thought about where my life is and why it’s not where it should be. I thought about people who watch their potential float by and it made me dizzy to think of living with regret or simply living with a shallow and impassible attitude.

I cant sleep at night because I cough a lot and think too much. daytime tv sucks. poweraide is a cheap imitation of gatoraide and I swear don cheadle is in every movie or simply looks like a lot of different actors. I cant ever wear a sleek black dress cause I’m not tall enough and cant walk in heels.

I dont have the time or the money to do things I want to do and sometimes I feel like I’m thirty instead of twenty one.

the girlfriend and I fight more often and she says I’m careless and irresponsible. I guess right now I dont know what else to be.