blood on a halo

I’ve been feeling sick a lot and drenched in some kind of internal agony suffering what am I doing with my life and myself bullshit. I hate that I lack social skills and though I don’t take back my four million statements of “most people suck”, some people don’t suck yet I will never know because I refuse to show myself to anyone enough for them to assume I am interested in them.

god jamie, fucking get over yourself.

I would if I could, I wooooould if I could.

I haven’t been eating enough lately and it makes my stomach turn. worked a lot of hours in the last three days and got slammed all by myself at work. got a twenty dollar tip and someone called the corporate office on me because I cut her dog’s ear leather. which is common.

go for walks outside and love the new cold air. no more hot wind or sand storms, at night it’s so cold you need a sweater. my winter wordrobe is way cooler than summer. I say that like it means something.

tried to enter a writing competition. turned it in on deadline but the woman called me and said I FAILED to include a disk with my work on it, apparently I had misread the form and thought you had to include one or the other, not both. I went there early friday morning to give her the disk but school was closed for Veterans Day. Hey, I tried.

craving some new music, something to blow me away or at least out of my head for a while. brian jonestown massacre makes me feel eerie and scared but I like it cause it makes me feeeel.

drank too much last night didn’t eat enough, got stoned in the morning and showered for an hour. artwalk at the girlfriend’s restaurant later and I have to go with Jane and her posse and it will be awkward cause I am.

my mouth feels always sticky and I need something new to distract me from all of the same. any suggestions?

Jesus perhaps?