My sister’s a15 yr old hormone bucket. am i wrong.

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Diary: I Feel Pretty

Password: iamloved

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So the cousins – the kids we’ve known basically forever but that live in MN – came down to CA for a week. We had fun. We usually do. They’re 17 and 14. Me: feshman college Roo: senior hs Other Offspring: junior hs Roo’s brother(MN2): sophomore hs. so we’re all really close. They kick our asses in Halo.

Anyway, the night before they left we had movie night. Watched Jaws, Alien, Jerassic Park, and Harry potter. MN2 fell off about 2am. I fell of at about 4am. But Roo and Sibling watched HP until 6am. They fell asleep on the couch together. Sibling and I have to go home a day early bc mother got into an accident so the stay with MN boys is cut short. Right after Sibling’s night on the couch (G rated G rated). MN boys leave.

Sibling begins texting Roo every day every other minute. She tells him she likes him and he says likewise. Sibling thinks she is in love with this boy. She makes plans to buy a plane ticket to fly out there later this summer and stay with this 17 year old and his father – a good friend of my dad’s but a man. As in he told his sons to have sex in high school and get it over with. My father OKs sibling’s plans. My mother has a shitfit. Understandably. Roo – as much as i love him as a friend – is 17. Sibling is 15. Sibling has had serious crushes but up until this point none of them have returned her affections. Thus part of the reason mother and I think she’s fallen so hard (sickeningly) for this guy. As in – she was texting him so often that I couldn’t READ at 2am (4am for HIM) beacause her phone was buzzing every few seconds with a text. I literally thought I was going to find out that you really can glibly throw up in your mouth. Not to mention that sibling wants to go to continue at TBS private school but mother is trying her damndest to afford it (no thanks to father who wont pay a dime even though he makes more and goes to 500 dollar tennis tournaments) and failing. Sibling wants to spend her money on a plane ticket to go to MN. Probably so she can get her first kiss (hopefully nothing more) go to high school and fall in love with some other boy. Roo wants to go to UCSD assuming he gets in next year so Sibling thinks ‘oh ill be able to see him every day when he’s a freshman out here’. Really? Really. Sibling is pissed at mother for not going on board with this whole fly out to MN to stay at a 17 year old boy’s house only with him and his father and brother. yeahhhhh, why wouldn’t mom love that idea. Of course since father said if mom doesnt say ok i’ll take you myself….(and he’ll pay for her ticket but not school….SIBLING WAKE THE FUCK UP). I feel like telling mother to screw it and let sibling go to public school. she doesn’t seem to interested in saving money for the school she claims to LOVE. she’s gone to the fair the last two days where the rides are 5 to 7 bucks a pop. Really. Reality has taken a rain check.

has turned out to be true. But that doesn’t make 200 excess pages acceptable. She need to lose some serious writing weight. The editor on my shoulder even runs through movies. But really, you’d think even an actor would be able to say “You want me to deliver what line now? Really? Really?”

• Pet peeve: Congratulations, you are NOT preggo, preggers, or any variation of the kind. You are, however, pregnant. You have been impregnated. Colonized. Infiltrated. Not preg.
• But speaking of pregnancy, ever since Tina Fey’s pregnancy test informed her with a block lettered NO rather than a boring stripe of her unfertilized urine, I’ve wanted to crash that EPT market. The ‘ whoopsiedaisy‘ version: (negative) THERE IS A GOD. (Positive) Oopsiedoopsie. Or (positive): picture of a water bottle. (negative) picture of wine.

• In the middle of Scrabble last night I conjured up the smell of a tuna fish sandwich. A delicious smelling tuna fish sandwich. I still want one. But I guess I’ll be placated by German Pancakes, the recipe Christine facebooked me (a la her Italy touring Mother).

• I accidentally almost killed my foster pup, Banjo, twice this week. (1) I was walking outside and shutting the door behind me (but didn’t look) and at the last second remembered the dog was trying to follow me out. I caught the door before it smashed his head into the frame. heh. heh. ahem. (2) On my inside the house I hit the switch to put the garage door down and didn’t realize the dog was standing under the garage door. He was just chillin’. No, no need to move away from the heavy door coming at your head. Good lord. It made me feel better that Christine closed the door quickly so her pup wouldn’t get out and the pup didn’t stop and ran smack into the door instead. It was sad. And funny. Mowgli, my da’s pup, ran – well more like leapt – into the screen door. He was momentarily suspended in mid air, face pressed against the screen and a small caption forming on the scene: “DENIED”. That was even sadder. And more hilarious. “It’s not funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious.” Tina Fey: “You get audiences to laugh by dressing a man up like an old woman and pushing him down the stairs. You get comedians to laugh by pushing a real old woman down the stairs.”

• *If I like Gatorade at the moment I’ll drink every gallon in the area. I drank myself literally sick from Apple Juice in one day. (Really, how the nuts what I supposed to know you aren’t supposed to drink the whole jug?)
• **Mother is known as the Oracle of All Things Scripted for her ability to call the plot/end of almost any movie, book, or television show, usually within the first few minutes. It is impossible to watch a Law and Order with her. She knows whodunit the second the theme song hits the revamps notes. Though, she never saw the Sixth Sense coming. Maybe she is partly human. A fingernail maybe. (She called Gone Baby Gone – which do not see by the way – in seconds.)