My crusade to prove Neville was the Chosen One.

Seriously? How am  I the in the minority here to realize that Neville Longbottom is one of the most mistreated, underappreciated, underdeveloped characters of all popular fiction?

Let’s face it.
Harry Potter was a whiny bitch.
His father was a bullying asshat that inexplicably gets the girl and reader worship.
Ron Weasely is a doddering – although loyal – fool.

Hermione (pre-books 6&7) is the only competent, intelligent, lightly snarky fully developed young female character. (Although her romance and eventual marriage to Ron is highly questionable to her character. Romance? Okay, maybe a fling. A few post-butter beer liaisons. Tying herself to him for life? Did some shippers have you at gunpoint, JK? I can’t even assume logic was in the country around the time you decided to pair Harry and Ginny, which made for the future audience scarring on-screen coupling of the already awkward Daniel Radcliff and Bonnie Wright.)

So in all this time how is it that I am part of a small group of beings that believe Neville should truly have been the Chosen One? That if JK was ballsy at all, she would have made that switch around book 6 – or, since the series is unfortunately named "Harry Potter and" – killed off Harry (IRREVERSIBLY AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN) and had Neville take his rightful place because in all seven books it is Neville that consistently shows courage, character that is not built around a self centered angsty core, perseverance in the face of a horrible past (Harry only knows what he was told about his parents, Neville lived it) – all bowed up with a personality that doesn’t make me root for his demise.

JK developed Neville with some classic key moments – sparsely scattered between Harry’s girl troubles and Chosen One depression episodes – such as his Book 1 House Winning attempt to stand up to his friends, his Book 4 herbology triumphs, and his book 5 leadership in Dumbledore’s Army.

But as each HP brick grew in pages and angst, Neville was relegated to just a few mentions here and there. In book 7 he was robbed of a larger role in leading the student resistance (D’s Army) and a stronger presence. JK’s neglect of Neville’s character pains me. Literally. That sharp annoying twinge I get behind my frontal lobe when I come up against the circular illogical walled arguments of anti-choicers of the Westboro Baptist Church cut, non-organ donors – "I dont want someone touching my organs after I’m dead!", and religious fundamentalists "OBAMA IS A MUSLIM AND ANYONE WHO DOESN’T THINK SO IS A TERRORIST" — that twinge is similar in strength and position to the one I get when I think about how JK forever squandered Neville Longbottom’s character potential to be the nerdy bullied forgetful true hero. Meanwhile, millions of people somehow flock to these books and hail Harry as role model material. *

*This rant brought to you by my recent viewing of Harry Potter Movie 7: part 1 which I thought vaguely dreadful (living up to the Movie Nazi title my coworkers christened me with behind my back). Am I outrageously picky or so arrogant as to think I’m an intelligent viewer that deserves more than what many movies give me?

Obviously I am pathetically and overly invested in my crusade to do right by Neville because I meant to focus this entry on New Hampshire’s losing its damn mind and defunding Planned Parenthood. As I am moving to New Hampshire in the fall this is extremely frustrating news on personal and general political levels. This affects mostly uninsured people – which I am not (yet) – but even living in the state where I might need these services and can’t get them (such as Urinary Tract Infection prescriptions – the virus which I have battled much of late – and birth control – I’ll need my third Depo shot while in NH) cheaply or nearby since I may very well be on food stamps is…demoralizing and alarming.

I also wanted to direct our attention to the internet’s wonderful gift to us: Disney Prince underwear models. (Thank you her soul sits on her lips for enlightening me here). I spent an embarrassing (GOD DAMN THAT WORD) amount of time scrolling through those pictures. Truly. I had to be reminded that they were just pictures. And I don’t consider myself a man crazy person. I’m much more likely to drool over pictures of actresses, in fact. Still, highly tempted to make the Lilo and Stitch guy my desktop background.