Is God married? My best friend and Mormonism.

Online Romantic update: He emailed me.

My best friend, SJ, in college lives down the hall from me. The most defining thing about her is her religion. She’s Mormon. My relationship with religion is complicated. But then, my relationship with everything today is complicated. Sexuality. Religion. Politics. I’ve boiled it down to complicated. I don’t think in labels. I don’t believe in labels. I don’t vote in labels. Which is to say I might support this Prop or that policy, but I refuse to slot myself into X-Party, X-sexual, or X-Religion.

What this means is that it is impossible to answer the "What religion/party/sexuality" are you question bluntly. It also makes it hard to relate. Others to me, me to others.

I’ve always been interested in religion. I did not grow up under any denomination, however I had religious studies in middle school (an overview of buddhism, Judaism, and Christianity), New and Old testament in high school, and I took a catholic bible study in elementary school with a few friends. I think because I have a Children’s Bible that I read about once a day when I was little. It has pictures on every page and a few sentences in bold type. Most of the classic bible stories are boiled down for a seven year old’s understanding. I learned a lot from that book and I still love it despite my problems with religion.

SJ’s mormonism affects her life very distinctly. Unlike her Catholic roommate Beth – who went to church every Sunday but left it at that – SJ not only went to church every sunday (from 1pm to 7pm) but hung out with the people in her singles ward at least three days out of the week (usually all weekend). Mostly, though, SJ doesn’t drink, swear, drink caffeine (in quanities as small as in 7up), watch R movies, or believe in being single.

That is to say, I grew up in a single mother household with one sister. We mentioned the word penis in conversation easily and frequently. We weren’t shy of sex talk at any time.  My mother stressed independence, especially from men.

This independence became a constant difference between SJ and I. SJ dated a boy in high school for two years until he left at graduation to go on a mission in Venezuela. Technically you aren’t allowed to be dating on a mission so they are "broken up". He still writes her and she talks wistfully about him constantly (she wears a shirt he sent her all the time). At the same time, she is half dating a guy in her ward. Beth and I followed her dating drama befuddled by the non-boyfriend boyfriend out of country and the non-boyfriend boyfriend in her ward situation. We were also concerned that her ward boyfriend was in lawschool (about eight years older than her). SJ told me one night that she wanted to date here because she’d never known anyone other than Adam and if he’d stayed in the US they might have married. She wanted to test other people out to make sure she and Adam were a real fit. This blew my mind. I’m 19 and have no plans (maybe ever) to have kids let alone marry in any near future.

To SJ, marriage and kids is her goal. She wanted to be a doctor (until she struggled madly with chem first semester) and now wants to be a midwife. These are goals that wont settle well with children in the near future. Beth and I flinch every time SJ mentions marriage over her job. It’s a natural instinct in both of us. Neither of us sees ourselves in marriage while in college or four years from graduation. It’s partly SJ’s complete acceptance of what we considered a chosen – jailed- fate in front of any future she might want for herself otherwise.

SJ and I went shopping at Staples for storage boxes for moving out of our dorms. My mother reminded me to get file boxes – boxes small enough and easy to handle on my own to move in and out. SJ wanted big boxes. I told her my reasoning behind the smaller, handle enabled boxes and she shrugged "I’ll just find a guy to carry my stuff". I cringed. "What if you can’t find one? That’s a lot of stairs we have to make it up next year. This is an all girls college after all." She still insisted.

I have no doubt she will find what I now call "Macho Mormon Men". She snaps her fingers and they appear.  They helped move SJ and I out this year because she asked at the end of a party "So who wants to help move me and a friend out?" Four cars were parked outside our dorm in ten minutes. So yes, I benefited from these MMM, but I don’t count on them to be there in my future all the time.

SJ and I often talk about religion. I’ve been to church with her twice (once on Easter) and to a mormon baptism. In the church there are three sections. The first hour is a mass-like setting. Second hour is bible study. Third hour is for women Relief Society and for men..a different meeting. I enjoy bible study by far the most. The teacher was great. I’ve talked to SJ a lot about the mormon afterlife – what they call the "Plan of Salvation". I find afterlifes in all religions fascinating. I still hope to go to a bible study on the Plan of Salvation.

I talk to SJ a lot about her faith. It passes the time (especially at work where we spent 4 hours making sandwiches for graduation parties) and is very interesting. Mostly the conversation is me asking questions. Occassionally she asks me why I don’t believe something (such as how I can live a good life without believing in an afterlife).

One day she said something about God’s wife. I blinked. "God’s what now?" "I believe God is married. Of course he is." 

I have never thought of God as having a wife. For whatever reason it was just an assumption that God is a single entity. I also don’t really see God as a "human" which I believe SJ – and mormons? – do. At least a form of human. I asked SJ why God’s wife isn’t in the Bible and she said that it is for God’s wife’s protection though there are vague references to her in the bible such as when the bible talks about people being in God’s image and a family is a reflection of God’s familiy as in God has children and a wife like people on earth. Even after this talk I don’t take the same interpretation that this means God has a wife and children, but then I don’t know if I believe in God so what grounds do I have to stand on?

I spoke to SJ’s non-boyfriend boyfriend about God’s wife while he drove us to the airport (being SJ’s friend does mean that her connections usually mean I can ride her wave, which I am very grateful for or I’d never have moved out so easily or gotten to the airport so quickly). He gave me the bible "people are a reflection of God’s family" reference but also said that women back when had a lot of power over men. They were educated before the men usually ("before times changed") and had a lot of power in the house. Internally, I disagreed. Keeping women in the house, no matter what power they had there, was still limiting. And I still cringe at no mention of God’s wife for "her protection". If they are equals, as SJ said, I can’t see God’s wife needing protection. She’s God’s Wife. She must have personal contributions, then, to her credit.

Hm.

Despite our religious, philosophical, and lifestyle differences, SJ and I became best friends.
She’s visiting me this summer.
We’re rooming together next year.
We watched The Music Man numerous times together.

And she kicks my ass in Mario Kart weekly.