Feels Like the First Time

It is 2018 and I am writing on OD again for the first time.  In anger of the closing of OD, I downloaded my diary and deleted it. I never thought it would be back.  Silly move on my part since I had been a lifetime member.  C’est la Vie!  At the time, I was so angry at the DM.  How could he abandon his flock?  He gave us a safe space.  He gave us new friendships.  I needed OD and it was being ripped away from me after so many years of faithfulness.   I get it now, even though it hurt at the time.

I was fuming when I saw on Twitter OD was coming back. All that rage when I felt when I read we were loosing OD came back again.  I swore I would never trust the DM again. Here I am. Curiosity got to me.  It’s 12:11 AM and I’m writing and entry.  It’s like old times.  I missed my friend.  There are changes, but in time everything changes.

I tried prosebox.   I wanted to love it.  I tried to love it. I used it to read my Fellow OD refuges new adventures.  I didn’t write much.  Mostly lurked and read.   I didn’t even know till a couple days ago it was down.

I remember that first OD entry from so many years ago.  I was writing about insomnia and girl I was pining for.  I still have bouts of insomnia.  Older and wiser now, I no longer pine for that girl.  She was toxic.  I know this now.  I have a good woman in my life.  It took finding a good woman to realize how toxic so many of my past relationships had been.

I’m 40 now and not that angsty 20 something I was back then.  I’m married now, three years this past December.  We’ve been together six years.  We have a great marriage, four cats, and three dogs. I highly suggest marrying your best friend.

I am going to see if I write consistently enough to subscribe when my 30 days are up.  I hope I do.  I didn’t realize how much I missed this safe space.