“Don’t Fight It, Just Ride It.”

A long time ago, Smiles wrote an entry in his short lived diary entitled "Relationship on Nitro." I always revisit his entries when I need to be convinced that he cared for me at one time. However, don’t fret folks, this entry will not be sappy or nostalgic (okay, maybe a bit of nostalgia), but rather uplifting.

There’s two ways to get over a failed relationship. You can "wait it out," or "ride it out."  I’ve totally chosen to ride! And ride I did this weekend when I went to Great Adventures with a sweetheart whose birthday landed on the most perfect day lol. The weather was cloudy and overcast (as you all know, my favorite kind of weather) and therefore there was no one there!  It was the two of us bumping into the same faces as we rode every single roller coaster in the park and our favorites three times each!  Everything in life truly does come at a price. My lower back is suffering from all the jolts.  We arrived early in the AM; the weather (though cloudy) was warm and inviting.  At some points the heat was almost unbearable, but alleviated by the sudden rush of wind that blew through us while flying and flipping hundreds of feet in the air! In retrospect, it had to be the second best time I’ve had at Great Adventures.  The first was with Smiles many moons ago. I’m sure he remembers that day too.

So, the events leading up to Sunday at Great Adventures were adventures themselves.  I was on vacation from work from Wednesday of last week until today (where I sit and type this here entry still feeling as though I’m in vacation mode – terrible).  I kicked it off by going back to my familiar karaoke grounds with Dannie-Girl. My expectations were exceeded when she wound up having a blast and we rolled into bed at 4am! She was pretty wasted, and I was feeling quite nice myself.  I’d probably had 4 coronas, while she downed about 4-5 malibu and pineapples and guess what our bill came out to!? TEN DOLLARS! How? Because everyone loves me at that bar! I open my mouth, I sing, and they buy! Dannie-Girl reaped the benefits of it too.  It was adorable how she kept hugging me and confessing how much she missed me and was so happy to be hanging out.  When she got home, she text me to also share with me how much fun I am to be around and to say "girl you can sing!" Needless to say it really was a great start to what followed.

I had received a text earlier in the week from LiLah which read "So are you ready to meet new faces?" My response had been so immediate that I took myself by surprise.  Therefore, Day 2 of my vacation i went to see my relatives who had come down from North Carolina.  My family showered me with compliments since I was all dressed up and ready to leave for my sorta "blind date" from my moms place.  It was definitely a good start to the night; a confidence builder. I walked into the evening very relaxed and not feeling as though I was in search of a relationship, but rather I was sincerely meeting a new face to add to my repertoire of friends.  Someone had asked me if I wanted to meet a nice bi-sexual friend of theirs and no one had ever tried to "set me up" before, so I was completely welcomed to the idea.  We found a simple, yet lovely outdoor garden lounge and just talked for hours.  The conversation just seemed to flow, almost just as smoothly as the wine into our glasses.  It felt so very adult-like between the three of us discussing travels, desires, relationships and more.  Apparently the girl I was meeting went through almost the same thing I did with QuietChaos – being in love with someone and attached to them by invisible strings they can’t ever see, all the while having to watch the one we loved, loving someone else.  Dannie-Girl joined us once again after she got out of work and we hit up the Woodhaven House where we took a shot and toasted to "Extracting the positives from all the negatives." We stopped at LiLah’s, I peed, and then Dannie-Girl and I grabbed a bite at Dunkin Donuts at 2am and walked home from there.  It was another liberating evening.

One would think that I’d be done after 2 nights of drinking.  Although the second night was very mild and subdued.  However, then came the killer….TEQUILA!  Poison to my body.

Fourth of July I was supposed to spend with J.  We were going to go see the fireworks in Williamsburg and then a movie.  Plans were switched when my uncle was having a BBQ and invited both J and I. So, her being as accommodating as she is, she was totally up for being around my family.  She finally met my mom and my aunt and then we walked over to my uncles place where upon walking in he attacked us with a thousand offers: "you want burgers? You want hot dogs? You want Watermelon? How about a beer? Here sit down. Wanna stand up?" lol clearly he was a little "nice." I accepted almost every one of his offers being the fat ass I am haha.  I think my family may have suspected we were a couple of some sort. My grandmother kept asking where she went lol. It was pretty funny. My cousin is the reason I projectile vomitted the following morning. Her and her bright idea to take shots.  It was nice catching up with her and we hadn’t seen each other for some time.  The Tequila was going down pretty smooth, so I assumed I was on the safer side with just regular tequila instead of PATRON (my poison), but evidently not.  Let’s just say J and I never made it to Williamsburg.  We never made it to the movies. We did manage to make it to my oh-so-comfortable bed where we layed for about 2 hours.  The in betweens of this tale stay within mine and J’s memory.  Let’s just say I have one of the most awesome, strong, and yet fragile friends on my side.  She wasn’t afraid to completely expose herself (no perverts, she remained fully clothed lol) and now the two of us get to move forward in what will be a lifelong friendship. Besides, as I told her just today "you’re so resilient, you just bounce right back!"  J got a ride home and I went for a mental spin myself.  The room was turning until I finally turned off the lights.

I could have slept all morning after that, but I had to be up for my cousins baby shower.  So I got all pretified in last years birthday dress.  I figured I’d only worn it once in almost an entire year and it was time to break it out again.  I accessorized differently and threw in a nice brown belt and new heals to match.  So I felt like I was wearing a brand new outfit.  Everyone loved it.  I shopped on the avenue with my aunt and mom while the nasty mexican men made comments as I walked past.  Whatever! like I said, everything comes at a price. Even dressing up and trying to look cute costs you! I weasled in a nap right before my uncle came to get us for the party. I spent hours just hanging out with my family.  That is how I spent the days of my vacation – hanging out with my family, partying it up by night.  I don’t think ANY of us expected to have such a fantastic time at the baby shower.  I hadn’t seen some of these family members in over a year.  They all doted over my appearance

and it felt so nice.  Sometimes I love the shock factor. My family doesn’t expect certain things from me. "You’re taking a shot!?" uh, yes. "You SMOKE?!?!" uh, unfortunately. So… it was shots, coronitas, cigarettes, catching up (and being flirted on) with my familys extended family (no relation to me – just grew up around one another).

I’ll call him Lisp.  He was adorable, well mannered, well spoken and well liked apparently.  However, towards the end of the evening while grabbing some more fresh air from the dancing hot box, I come to find out he moves to Maryland in a month.  So, while I’d been secretly intending to share my number with him, I decided against it.  I’m going to see him two more times anyway for two upcoming weddings.  If it turns out that he found me as interesting as he claimed, he’s got two more opportunities to step it up lol. 

Sometimes I feel like I can’t escape my past. At one point, while outside, my uncles girlfriend (who was only there to pick him up) came by. She said she’d been at a birthday party. Then she turns to me and says, "So I hear your friend Loren is helping Brittany to sing." Just the sound of the name made my heart skip a few beats. In my inebriated state, I replied without really thinking, "She’s not my friend, she’s my EX girlfriend." It sucked to acknowledge it and realize that I’d said it out loud, but it felt good to accept that idea. She isn’t my friend. She isn’t my girlfriend. She’s my past.  Somehow a past that even when I think I’m in the clear, pops up and takes my breath away for the moment.

I’m not sure how we made it to Great Adventures the morning after, but we did.  Up at 7am and there by 10am.  From Nitro to El Torro.  From funnel cake to dippin dots.  From coaster to coaster and ride after ride I smiled from ear to ear.  I left my fears in the air right before the 2nd drop of the Nitro.  I left my worries at the bottom of the first drop on El Torro, and I whispered my "goodbyes", "I love you’s,"  and hopes for the future to Smiles, Quiet, and The Queen at the very tip of the Kinda Ka.  When I went back up to see if they were still there, the air and the rain had set them adrift.  Maybe my whispers will find their way to their rightful owners, maybe they won’t. What I know is that today I stand before you all a happy girl.

Much Love To All My Readers,
The Whispering Rose